Back On The Scene

Hey! So I’ve been missing for a while on the blog scene. Yeah, yeah, I know. But its been a hectic past few weeks and besides that, I’ve been extremely lazy. Extremely! Speaking of laziness, I’ve been getting stressed out about things I’ve left undone and now its back to kick me in the ass. Word of advice: Never leave anything you should do today for tomorrow… real talk! I know it sounds like some corny piece of advice, but its the truth. Procrastination never turns out for the best. (Wtf am I talking about? I’m sitting here, blogging, while I have a paper to do?! LOL!)

Anyway… I went to Samoa for like three weeks and it was amazing to be with family. Being back in Hawaii isn’t the same, but its something I need to do. Another thing I need to do? Get a job… again, being a lazy ass isn’t getting me anywhere. FML!

Ah well. More detailed posts are to come. Stay tuned! Hey, maybe even some videos :)

Peace Easy.

Futurama Drama...

So next semester I'm going to be a senior in college. Yup. August will mark my fourth year in the halls of Chaminade University of Honolulu. Big deal. As I come closer to what will be my last year in Chaminade (I hope lol), the fact of being a college graduate is hitting me harder each day. Thoughts of the future haunt the edges of my mind, and before I can sleep, I fight off the inevitable question: What am I going to do after graduation?

Four years ago, coming into college, I had it all planned out. I had a formula and a plan; I was equipped with a plan that would get me from point A to point B to point C in my life. I was set and ready to go. But what I didn't plan on was college changing my life... for better or for worse, I wasn't the same guy I was when I made these plans. I was going to get an undergraduate degree in English or Criminal Justice or both, get into Law School, graduate with my JD, pass my bar exam and be a successful and hopefully filthy rich lawyer.

But now... I really don't know where this plan, and others, are headed. Law school? The more I think about it, the more I realize that it's just not for me. The LSAT is a daunting task in and of itself, not to mention the amount of energy and preparation its going to take to even get me there. I'm not ruling it out completely, I'm just now realizing the flaws in my oh-so-perfect plan.

As I lay here at 3AM, trying to go to bed, I'm seriously considering other options: the military (an option I never considered up until now), going straight into the work force, and even more strongly, the joining the Peace Corps.

I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking too much into it. Or maybe I haven't thought it over enough. All I know is that I have more or less than 12 months to figure out what it is I'll be doing... because a year from now, God willing, I'll be a college graduate. And hopefully by now I'll be ready instead of being up at 3AM blogging about it :)

Heavyweight.

The semester is done. But I don't feel as relieved as I should be. I feel shitty. Theres so much on my mind. This semester was another challenge and, academically, a disappointment. I procrastinated so much... TOO MUCH... this semester. The goals I set weren't met and at the end of the day, when I ask myself if I gave it my best... my all... the truth at the bowels of my being scream NO!! No, I didn't give it my all. No, I didn't give it my best. No, I didn't fight the full fight but I gave up half way. The goals I set weren't met and now I'm beginning to question where my life is headed. I need my motivation back. I need that drive I had for academics back in my life. I need to achieve and remain focused.

This summer I'm going to rethink... reevaluate... and try to find myself.

Ridiculousness.

Whats ridiculous?

Attending a University that doesn't have a 24 hour Library. If not that, have somewhere open late where students who don't have the option (for whatever reason) to study at their own place. A group of friends and I used to be able to use one of the small conference rooms on campus to get together and study all night, but until recently that option was also made unavailable. Its ridiculous. You charge so much and your services really do suck, to put it bluntly. Yeah, you're a small private university and all that, but seriously, you could do more. Like leaving that damn conference room for us to study in. At least give us that. Oh no, we're probably going to be charged extra on our tuition for something like that.

Its ridiculous.

FINALS WEEK SUCKS!

So, I'm at the last week of instruction and basically it blows. I have so much to do that I've been putting off for a long time that I'm seriously getting bitten in the ass!! This is the most work that I've had to do for finals week since I've arrived at Chaminade... and although my stress level hasn't peaked, I'm still resisting the urge to run down the halls of the library, screaming my f*cken head off! LOL! After this hectic week of paper writing, I have two finals to do and then take two finals next week and I'M DONE!

Oh, but the stress doesn't end there!

I need to find a job. Pronto. Anything, Anywhere would be awesome at this point. I'm spending most if not all of my summer here in Oahu so I NEED A JOB to help with the expenses and shit. So anyone with anything out there... let me know!

Alright folks. Its back to the books for me.

Peace | Easy

ps. Facebook is the devil when you're trying to write a paper! LOL

One Life, One Chance :)

The past couple of days I've felt SO GOOD. I cannot begin to describe just how great I've been feeling :) I know I know, I'm not usually the most sentimental of people, but I can't help but for the first time in a long time, I'm truly happy.

This weekend was more than amazing. I wish there was one word to describe my beautiful retreat experience this weekend; meeting such amazing and life changing people and experiencing things I thought I've gone through before, but God was just kidding ;) and He refreshed me this weekend.

This was my sixth awakening experience, including my introductory one, and I can tell you that out of all of them, THIS was by far the best :) It had nothing to do with the fact that I was rector but the fact that I was able to meet awesome people and experience amazing things. It was also the fact that I was FINALLY able to let go (and let God) of so many things that I thought I could handle on my own.

So many aspects of my life that I was struggling with... God took it from me, because I was finally willing and able to LET HIM. I can't believe how I've come to overlook my greatest Help when He's been right here all along. It saddens me to think that focusing on my struggles and on life has blinded me to God's extending hand, but this weekend He opened the eyes of my heart.

He opened my soul and now I'm beginning to realize that I've been blessed all along. SO MANY THINGS I took for granted because I've been focused on LOOKING DOWN instead of LOOKING UP to HIM. So many blessings I've passed by because I was worried and worried and worried instead of letting it all go... the bullshit, the drama, the headaches, the heartaches, the struggles.... and dammit it feels so GOOD. I'm still reeling from how good it feels to be free.

I've learned many things about myself, about others and about God this weekend. And for the first time in a long time I KNOW I'M CHANGED. I feel like all my previous retreats, those singular amazing experiences, have prepared me for this point... and this retreat was the cherry on top... giving me the strength, the hope, the confidence, THE FAITH, the love, and the belief to finally.... FINALLY... MOVE FORWARD.

I've been at the bottom. I've been stuck between a rock and a hard place. But my Lord has delivered me and guess what? I'm moving on. Those moments were a part of my past. As painful as they were, they are still a part of my life but I've learned from them, I've accepted them and from them I've garnered the will power to get my life back on track.

To my Awakening 'Ohana: you mean the world to me. Each and every one of you. From the first awakening retreat to this one, and everyone who has ever said a prayer for awakening or been involved or paid or sponsored someone or something for awakening.... THANK YOU. I owe this moment and point in time to you.

For those who haven't had the CUH Awakening Experience.... I'm going to stop bugging you to go. This past weekend God let me know that HE has a time and place for everything. It's obvious it wasn't your time to attend retreat and I know... when God sees that you need or will need it the most... HE WILL make a way for you. Until then... enjoy the smile on my (and my family's faces! lol) and then ask us why... and we'll tell you:

FUN STUFF!

peace easy.

1DA.

One Day Away....

One day away until Awakening Retreat 21: One Life, One Chance. I'm excited and nervous, but for the most part, I'm calm, cool and collected. But I'm sure when I get to the site, and my staff starts setting up and I see the first retreater come through those doors.... it will be an overwhelming explosion of excitement and emotions. THIS, is what I've been working towards. THIS is what my partner and my fellow leadership team have been working towards. THIS is what the entire staff of AR21 has been working...practicing...sweating...trusting...leading...following towards. This is the culmination of all our hard work, love and commitment for the Awakening experience.

I am a little bummed that most of my Samoan friends withdrew from attending, but I guess its just not their time. I'm one day away from making a difference in someone's life. THIS IS MY CHANCE and I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

- Emmanuel Williams
Rector; Awakening 21: One life, One chance