What to do, What to think...

I know, I've been slacking. But its not like yall been reading. haha.

Anyway, I've been feeling a lot of pressure lately. Its like everything is coming at me from every angle at the same time and I seriously don't know if I can take it. I've always said that I work well under pressure, and that statement has more or less always been true for me. However, lately I think the pressure has become too much. I'm taking everything in stride and trying my best to keep the wheels moving, but everything just seems to be getting out of control...

I miss home. Like, a helluva lot. I miss having my parents scold me, messing around with my little brothers and picking on (and regretting later lol) my older sister about her height. I miss the comfort and security of knowing that no matter what, everything would be okay. Today, I checked my voicemail (from another phone, 'cause mine has gone bye-bye lol) and I heard my mom and sister's voices and I swear to God I was tearing up... Call me a sissy 'cause I don't give a fuck! but I'm over feeling like I'm in this on my own. Yeah, I've got friends and they're hella good people too, but if anything, its my family who truly understands my struggle...

When I look back at the person I was, I get hella disappointed in myself. Who I am now isn't who I envisioned four years ago. In the past three years, my life has taken so many sudden and unfortunate turns that, when I look back on it, I realize that isn't even me! I know everyone changes, but my question is can I change back? I would like nothing more than to be the quiet-book-worm-nerd who found satisfaction in the simple things in life. If the old me met the me right know, he would be shocked and disgusted. I've realized recently that I'm on the road of redemption; finally and actually realizing WHO I REALLY WANT TO BE and what I need to do get my life back on the right tracks...

Finally, I'd personally like to ask you for your prayers. Tough times are ahead and I really don't know how its going to end, only that it will be huge shift in my life... whether I'm ready for it or not.

Peace|Easy.