Was an okay day. I talked to my mom and little brother and to hear them was very good... therapeutic, I should say. Well, that is all. I'm kind of tired and I got big things to do tomorrow. Better posts are ahead :)
Peace|Easy
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
What to do, What to think...
I know, I've been slacking. But its not like yall been reading. haha.
Anyway, I've been feeling a lot of pressure lately. Its like everything is coming at me from every angle at the same time and I seriously don't know if I can take it. I've always said that I work well under pressure, and that statement has more or less always been true for me. However, lately I think the pressure has become too much. I'm taking everything in stride and trying my best to keep the wheels moving, but everything just seems to be getting out of control...
I miss home. Like, a helluva lot. I miss having my parents scold me, messing around with my little brothers and picking on (and regretting later lol) my older sister about her height. I miss the comfort and security of knowing that no matter what, everything would be okay. Today, I checked my voicemail (from another phone, 'cause mine has gone bye-bye lol) and I heard my mom and sister's voices and I swear to God I was tearing up... Call me a sissy 'cause I don't give a fuck! but I'm over feeling like I'm in this on my own. Yeah, I've got friends and they're hella good people too, but if anything, its my family who truly understands my struggle...
When I look back at the person I was, I get hella disappointed in myself. Who I am now isn't who I envisioned four years ago. In the past three years, my life has taken so many sudden and unfortunate turns that, when I look back on it, I realize that isn't even me! I know everyone changes, but my question is can I change back? I would like nothing more than to be the quiet-book-worm-nerd who found satisfaction in the simple things in life. If the old me met the me right know, he would be shocked and disgusted. I've realized recently that I'm on the road of redemption; finally and actually realizing WHO I REALLY WANT TO BE and what I need to do get my life back on the right tracks...
Finally, I'd personally like to ask you for your prayers. Tough times are ahead and I really don't know how its going to end, only that it will be huge shift in my life... whether I'm ready for it or not.
Peace|Easy.
Anyway, I've been feeling a lot of pressure lately. Its like everything is coming at me from every angle at the same time and I seriously don't know if I can take it. I've always said that I work well under pressure, and that statement has more or less always been true for me. However, lately I think the pressure has become too much. I'm taking everything in stride and trying my best to keep the wheels moving, but everything just seems to be getting out of control...
I miss home. Like, a helluva lot. I miss having my parents scold me, messing around with my little brothers and picking on (and regretting later lol) my older sister about her height. I miss the comfort and security of knowing that no matter what, everything would be okay. Today, I checked my voicemail (from another phone, 'cause mine has gone bye-bye lol) and I heard my mom and sister's voices and I swear to God I was tearing up... Call me a sissy 'cause I don't give a fuck! but I'm over feeling like I'm in this on my own. Yeah, I've got friends and they're hella good people too, but if anything, its my family who truly understands my struggle...
When I look back at the person I was, I get hella disappointed in myself. Who I am now isn't who I envisioned four years ago. In the past three years, my life has taken so many sudden and unfortunate turns that, when I look back on it, I realize that isn't even me! I know everyone changes, but my question is can I change back? I would like nothing more than to be the quiet-book-worm-nerd who found satisfaction in the simple things in life. If the old me met the me right know, he would be shocked and disgusted. I've realized recently that I'm on the road of redemption; finally and actually realizing WHO I REALLY WANT TO BE and what I need to do get my life back on the right tracks...
Finally, I'd personally like to ask you for your prayers. Tough times are ahead and I really don't know how its going to end, only that it will be huge shift in my life... whether I'm ready for it or not.
Peace|Easy.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
ONE LIFE, ONE CHANCE
One life, One chance...Just so happens to be a very controversial phrase, to say the least. Don't get me wrong, controversy is good. It develops opinions and gives room for growth. However, the progress of controversy is hindered when closed-minded individuals refuse to be open to new meanings and concepts; when they refuse to rise to the challenge of making something out of this phrase. Mostly, progress is hindered because individuals continuously see things negatively, even though there is a chance to make a positive influence. Passion and creativity are lost in their one-minded crusade in search of "the right." Funny thing is, there is no "right," just a chance to make a positive difference and very few are rising to this challenge.
I don’t see ‘One Life, One Chance’ in a negative manner. I see it as a provocative and inspiring expression; a challenge to make a positive difference in our lives and the lives of others. I DO NOT see this phrase as saying, “You only have one life and therefore one chance. So if you fucked up your life or you messed up, you’re out of chances and there’s no hope for you.” This is the negative twist on what is meant to be a positive saying. I understand that people have gone through some shit and that they’ve risen from them; that they’ve had several chances to get their life back on track. Frankly, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t gone through the dirt or hit rock bottom, but they’ve always found a way to get back up. Simply put, I understand that life is all about chances (emphasis on the plural connotation)…
However, I don’t think that’s what the saying means… at least, not entirely. ‘One Life, One Chance’ says to me: This is my life. This is my time. I am here and now. This is my one chance to make a difference, my one chance to initiate change. This is my one chance to be someone and do something, my one chance to be a Christ-like example to others. This is my life, my living testimony and this is my chance to use it for good. Yes, I know human beings aren’t perfect. Yes, I believe Jesus Christ died on the cross for us, thus affording us many chances in our lives. But you see, Christ’s life here on Earth was His chance to make a change and WHAT A CHANGE HE MADE! ‘One Life, One Chance’ challenges me to follow Christ’s example and allow my life…my ONE LIFE, because it is my ONE CHANCE, to make a statement on this earth.
It’s One Life, One Chance. It is a challenge to be somebody and do something. Christ said, “Take up your cross and follow me.” Your life right NOW is your CHANCE to do that. Several will rise to this challenge, and yet some will “fall like seeds to the wayside,” scorched and withered by the sun, ready to be devoured by the fowls of the air.
One Life, One Chance. The rest is up to you.
I don’t see ‘One Life, One Chance’ in a negative manner. I see it as a provocative and inspiring expression; a challenge to make a positive difference in our lives and the lives of others. I DO NOT see this phrase as saying, “You only have one life and therefore one chance. So if you fucked up your life or you messed up, you’re out of chances and there’s no hope for you.” This is the negative twist on what is meant to be a positive saying. I understand that people have gone through some shit and that they’ve risen from them; that they’ve had several chances to get their life back on track. Frankly, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t gone through the dirt or hit rock bottom, but they’ve always found a way to get back up. Simply put, I understand that life is all about chances (emphasis on the plural connotation)…
However, I don’t think that’s what the saying means… at least, not entirely. ‘One Life, One Chance’ says to me: This is my life. This is my time. I am here and now. This is my one chance to make a difference, my one chance to initiate change. This is my one chance to be someone and do something, my one chance to be a Christ-like example to others. This is my life, my living testimony and this is my chance to use it for good. Yes, I know human beings aren’t perfect. Yes, I believe Jesus Christ died on the cross for us, thus affording us many chances in our lives. But you see, Christ’s life here on Earth was His chance to make a change and WHAT A CHANGE HE MADE! ‘One Life, One Chance’ challenges me to follow Christ’s example and allow my life…my ONE LIFE, because it is my ONE CHANCE, to make a statement on this earth.
It’s One Life, One Chance. It is a challenge to be somebody and do something. Christ said, “Take up your cross and follow me.” Your life right NOW is your CHANCE to do that. Several will rise to this challenge, and yet some will “fall like seeds to the wayside,” scorched and withered by the sun, ready to be devoured by the fowls of the air.
One Life, One Chance. The rest is up to you.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Yo, Yo, Yo
Yes, I'm still here. Haven't been updated a lot because its about that time called MIDTERMS! Yeah, talk about a bummer. So after I scatter my brains on lined paper, library keyboards and LCD screens, I will update. LOL. In the meanwhile, pray for me. The next few weeks is HELL =/
Peace|Easy
Peace|Easy
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Untitled again.
This pain, it bleeds
uncontrollably;
an open wound, it remains
exposed to the tides;
remnants of
blood, salt and water;
remnants of
breath, pain and life;
remnants of
a heartache that
the tides can't wash away,
the pain won't go away.
-- Emmanuel Wendt-Wiliams
uncontrollably;
an open wound, it remains
exposed to the tides;
remnants of
blood, salt and water;
remnants of
breath, pain and life;
remnants of
a heartache that
the tides can't wash away,
the pain won't go away.
-- Emmanuel Wendt-Wiliams
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Rock rules!
So its 3:56am and I'm surfing MySpace when I come across this bulletin posted by my cousin. I love it so much I decided to blog it. Its hilarious!
"I UNDERSTAND THAT SCISSORS CAN BEAT PAPER AND I GET HOW ROCK CAN BEAT SCISSORS, BUT THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY PAPER CAN BEAT ROCK. IS PAPER SUPPOSED TO MAGICALLY WRAP AROUND A ROCK, LEAVING IT IMMOBILE? WHY THE HELL CAN'T PAPER DO THIS TO SCISSORS? SCREW SCISSORS, WHY CAN'T PAPER DO THIS TO PEOPLE? WHY AREN'T SHEETS OF COLLEGE-RULED NOTEBOOK PAPER CONSTANTLY SUFFOCATING STUDENTS AS THEY ATTEMPT TO TAKE NOTES IN CLASS? I'LL TELL YOU WHY, BECAUSE PAPER CAN'T BEAT ANYBODY, A ROCK WOULD TEAR THAT SHIT UP IN TWO SECONDS. WHEN I PLAY ROCK/PAPER/SCISSORS I ALWAYS CHOOSE ROCK. THEN WHEN SOMEBODY CLAIMS TO HAVE BEATEN ME WITH THEIR PAPER I PUNCH THEM IN THE THROAT WITH MY ALREADY CLENCHED FIST AND SAY "OH SHIT I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT PAPER WOULD PROTECT YOU, STUPID-FUCK."
I seriously LMAO at this one. Gives me a good reason to punch someone when I play this game again. Hahaha
Peace|Easy
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Moderation in Progression...
So its another blog/spiel about my life blah blah blah. Its my blog and I'll write what I want, gumdammit! :] Anyway, did I mention I'm settling in? Yeah, it feels good to have a place and bed to call your own. Everyone needs a home away from home, and I've found mine :) However, having finally acquired a place, I feel even more pressure; the pressure of having to be super-extra-duper-good-careful with how I handle my finances. The almighty dollar and I have a love/hate relationship. Before, when I was an RA, I was living the life (well, at least I thought so). I lived and ate for free, and every semester I got back huge sums of refund checks which made up for the meager checks I got for being an RA. I spent the money as I saw fit and now that I look back at it, I realize what an IDIOT I've been.
Now, I work one job, paying about minimum wage, and on top of a phone bill, I have rent and upkeep expenses to deal with. Of course, the obvious solution would be to go out and get another job, but I can't due to how busy I am this semester. And asking the parentals for money is out of the question for me; I hate that option. They have their own worries to deal with and I refuse to be one of them.
My only available avenue? Cut back. I'm remembering a phrase my mom always used to say when, as I kid, I would spend and want what I didn't need nor have. In Samoan she would lecture: "Ola fa'a tagata mativa." In English: "Live like a poor person." My mom lived and breathed that motto. She would only buy what we needed and spend wisely what we had, and on occasion, there would be a treat. Growing up, my siblings and I got the best of what we needed and if we wanted something, we had to work for it ourselves. My mom's life is all about budgeting and prioritizing; always making sure you have enough for all the needs before you think about what you want.
So that what I'm going to do. Cut back on what I don't need and start getting my finances in order. Its moderation in progression... or maybe I'll continue my progression with the practice of moderation. Haha. I think its true when they said too much of a good thing can be bad... in this case, money. haha.
Who knew growing up would be so difficult... and come in so many stages! lol
I'm out.
peace|easy
Now, I work one job, paying about minimum wage, and on top of a phone bill, I have rent and upkeep expenses to deal with. Of course, the obvious solution would be to go out and get another job, but I can't due to how busy I am this semester. And asking the parentals for money is out of the question for me; I hate that option. They have their own worries to deal with and I refuse to be one of them.
My only available avenue? Cut back. I'm remembering a phrase my mom always used to say when, as I kid, I would spend and want what I didn't need nor have. In Samoan she would lecture: "Ola fa'a tagata mativa." In English: "Live like a poor person." My mom lived and breathed that motto. She would only buy what we needed and spend wisely what we had, and on occasion, there would be a treat. Growing up, my siblings and I got the best of what we needed and if we wanted something, we had to work for it ourselves. My mom's life is all about budgeting and prioritizing; always making sure you have enough for all the needs before you think about what you want.
So that what I'm going to do. Cut back on what I don't need and start getting my finances in order. Its moderation in progression... or maybe I'll continue my progression with the practice of moderation. Haha. I think its true when they said too much of a good thing can be bad... in this case, money. haha.
Who knew growing up would be so difficult... and come in so many stages! lol
I'm out.
peace|easy
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