Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Futurama Drama...

So next semester I'm going to be a senior in college. Yup. August will mark my fourth year in the halls of Chaminade University of Honolulu. Big deal. As I come closer to what will be my last year in Chaminade (I hope lol), the fact of being a college graduate is hitting me harder each day. Thoughts of the future haunt the edges of my mind, and before I can sleep, I fight off the inevitable question: What am I going to do after graduation?

Four years ago, coming into college, I had it all planned out. I had a formula and a plan; I was equipped with a plan that would get me from point A to point B to point C in my life. I was set and ready to go. But what I didn't plan on was college changing my life... for better or for worse, I wasn't the same guy I was when I made these plans. I was going to get an undergraduate degree in English or Criminal Justice or both, get into Law School, graduate with my JD, pass my bar exam and be a successful and hopefully filthy rich lawyer.

But now... I really don't know where this plan, and others, are headed. Law school? The more I think about it, the more I realize that it's just not for me. The LSAT is a daunting task in and of itself, not to mention the amount of energy and preparation its going to take to even get me there. I'm not ruling it out completely, I'm just now realizing the flaws in my oh-so-perfect plan.

As I lay here at 3AM, trying to go to bed, I'm seriously considering other options: the military (an option I never considered up until now), going straight into the work force, and even more strongly, the joining the Peace Corps.

I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking too much into it. Or maybe I haven't thought it over enough. All I know is that I have more or less than 12 months to figure out what it is I'll be doing... because a year from now, God willing, I'll be a college graduate. And hopefully by now I'll be ready instead of being up at 3AM blogging about it :)

Monday, May 11, 2009


The semester is done. But I don't feel as relieved as I should be. I feel shitty. Theres so much on my mind. This semester was another challenge and, academically, a disappointment. I procrastinated so much... TOO MUCH... this semester. The goals I set weren't met and at the end of the day, when I ask myself if I gave it my best... my all... the truth at the bowels of my being scream NO!! No, I didn't give it my all. No, I didn't give it my best. No, I didn't fight the full fight but I gave up half way. The goals I set weren't met and now I'm beginning to question where my life is headed. I need my motivation back. I need that drive I had for academics back in my life. I need to achieve and remain focused.

This summer I'm going to rethink... reevaluate... and try to find myself.