Monday, December 29, 2008

Back at it.

Apologies for the lack of updates, but its not I'm Christ with a multitude of followers, so a break from all this venting shouldn't have broken any eager hearts :)

Anyway, what did you miss? Nothing much, actually. The fall semester of my third year in Chaminade is over, and I'm slowly picking up the pieces before the new semester begins. I've been working a lot and I've been partying and going out way to much. Lesson learned there, I suppose.

Christmas was alright. I spent it at the Palolo House with friends and good food. Maybe New Years will be a repeat...? Hahaha. The island wide power outage was a trip! I got off work early AND I got Free Pandas... it can't get any better than that! LoL.

Other than that, I'm wishing I was a millionaire or something. I just hate where the shit is right now, ya feels? Ah well.

Friday, December 19, 2008


Shxt is getting so boring that boring isn't so boring anymore if that makes any sense. If it does please explain some of it to me :)

Thursday, December 18, 2008

On the real.

On the real, I think money is the most important thing in the world (besides God and family) and the idiots who believe that money doesn't equal happiness are in denial and who are just trying to make up for their lack of game, lack of sucess and lack of money.

On the real, I think a guy or girl who cheats on their so-called "love" should be dumped and left for roadkill. Second chances are most likely to produce the original result and quite possibly more heartache for your stupid-forgiving-I-believe-in-love-naive-ass. Leave them for dead and move the fuck along, because you stupid "heartbroken" senseless asswipes are ruining the fun for the rest of us who don't have your problem.

On the real, I don't see the point in having large groups or cliques of friends if you hardly ever talk to them. "Trying to fit in" is high school shit and right now its every man for himself. Keep the friends who are contributing to your success and drop the rest to "acquaintence" status. Whoever said friends "last forever" really didn't have any real ones.

On the real, I hate where I am in life right now and I'm 99.9% sure I would sell my soul (I'm not specifying any potential buyers) to have all my problems solved and be a billionaire.

On the real, I'm really not in the "Christmas" mood this holiday season and I have half a mind to shank the next Santa Claus I see. When I have kids, they will know that daddy used his hard earned money to buy all the shit under the Christmas tree, not some fucking obese creepy white old man dressed in a smelly ass suit.

On the real, I don't have a girlfriend because I don't NEED a girlfriend. Actually, I'd much rather steer clear of the relationship area (please refer to the perivous "On the real...").

On the real, guys who think they're pimps are assholes and girls who mess around are total sluts. Trust me, I'm friends with several.

On the real, don't ever ask me if I have ever "hit that" (pertaining to a girl). Its none of your fucking business if I fucked that girl or not, and asking me if I "hit it" only makes me want to hit you. So STFU!!!

On the real, girlfriends/boyfriends who tell their significant others not to do certain things are crazy. If the bitch wants to smoke, fucking let her smoke, and if a nigga wants to drink, fucking let him drink! If you can't accept them the way they are, then stop fucking them and move along to someone else who will appreciate your dictating ways.

On the real, being messy and living like you reside in a pig-sty isn't "gangsta" its fucking filthy, and you wonder why you can't get a girl to sleep at your stank ass place.

On the real, humans are conniving, ruthless and most often heartless animals, and I'm truly grateful that I will be long dead before we are extinct.

The End mutherfuckers!


Friday, December 12, 2008

Officially Done!

So I'm officially done with this semester and (oh boy! oh boy!) does it feel great! I think I've done the best I could under the circumstances that were given, and I'm just gonna roll with that. I'm not only going to hope and pray that next semester is a smashing success, I'm going to put a lot of hard work and effort into making it a success... my success. This semester was a let down/reality check/struggle for me, but I needed it and now its time to make a comeback.

(oh boy oh boy!) I'm excited :)

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Love to me

Love to me is commitment,
Believing that our kiss fifty years from now
Will be just like our first;
Love to me is honesty,
Not the duty of being transparent
But the truth of being open;
Love to me is security,
The ability to protect love--
Our greatest treasure;
Love to me is blind,
Freeing yourself to the darkness of imperfections
And letting the light of love guide you;
Love to me is compromise,
Building a bridge across difficulty,
Even though we may not see eye to eye;
Love to me is sacrifice,
Not merely the ability to surrender
But to surrender and trust wholeheartedly;
Love to me is patience,
And knowing that through love
We can outlast anything;
Love to me is God,
And a heart lost in Him
Has the ability to love forever.

[idk what this is about. or why. LOL]

Monday, December 8, 2008

Off Guard.

Today was an interesting day. I'm still trying to understand everything but idk... God will work a way, right? Heres a blog that I wrote for MySpace on April 21st, 2008. I just think its ironic how it applies to me right now. Holla.

I am blessed. When I really sit down and think about it, I've come so far in this life than most people have in their lifetimes. And its not that I've never known that I was blessed, but I guess it was the fact that I let my struggles and trials shadow my progressions. Consistently I find myself dwelling on things that I should just let go, and also worrying about things that are out of my control. I let my problems overcome me that I begin to believe that they are bigger than what they seem. I know God would never give me a situation He knows I cannot handle, and I know that each time I come through, I grow.

Yet lately I've let the stress and the problems in my life become larger than what they were, and I began to lose sight of where I was going. I worry a lot, and if things aren't done right by my way, I begin to worry. I worry when life gets out of hand for me, and then I also worry when life tumbles out of control for many people, especially for my family. I worry about my aiga a lot. I know its natural, but at the same time its frustrating to know that they DESERVE to be at a better place in this life, and I can't do anything to help them.

But right now I'm giving it up to the one who controls all things.... slowly but surely I'm beginning to realize that I CAN'T do everything myself; I've been worrying about so many things that have been out of my control, and the most, and the BEST thing I can do is offer it up to the Lord. He is my Rock and my Salvation, and He never ceases to bring me through. I can be extremely impatient, and I'm slowly finding out that GOD'S DELAYS ARE NOT DENIALS. Just because a prayer isn't answered immediately, does not mean that it is not going to be answered. God's timing is the best timing, and He will do what is needed for us when the time is right, all we have to do is believe.

I guess I'm writing this as a reminder to myself; when I go through the coming weeks, months and years ahead, to never look down upon myself but to always count on God. To realize that I am blessed every time I take a breath of fresh air, every time I wake up to a new day, and every time I see the beauty of another's smile... I am blessed. To never let my problems and circumstances overcome my goals and to not take so much upon myself. If God put you to it, He will bring you through it.


For those of you with finals, I hope you guys get through them with ease. Don't get too stressed out and remember that either way, it will all be over soon.


Friday, December 5, 2008

All Night Again.

So I'm pulling another all nighter. Detrimental? I guess. Productive? At most instances. Fun? FCUK YEAH! :) Especially if you're staying up with a bunch of naturally equipped crackheads! Haha.

Here is one of my favorite quotes from our crazy "study group."

"Is it shoplifting if you rape a prostitute?" -- Andrea G.

LMAO! The laughs will keep coming. This night is going to be something! HAHA.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


So it irritates me (just a little bit) when people NOT of Polynesian descent try and give me a (small) lecture and even try and argue with me on matters concerning anything Polynesian, particularly history. It also irks me even more when people of Polynesian decent try and argue with me and they're wrong, and they continue to insist that they're right. So I'm doing all of you a favor and giving you a little history lesson of the largest "nation" on Earth.

The ancestors of the Polynesian people, several historians argue, came out of Southeast Asia, more along the ways of Taiwan, etc. Though their origins are still up to argument and dispute, these peoples made their way across the Pacific Ocean to settle in what is known as the "Heart of Polynesia," where the people and culture we recognize today as "Polynesian" was slowly born. The exact location of the "Heart of Polynesia" presently remains a hot debate topic. Samoans claim it to be Samoa and Tongans claim it to be Tonga. However, many historians believe (and I peacefully concur), that the "Heart of Polynesia" consists of the three islands of Fiji, Tonga and Samoa. The histories, legends and lineages of these three islands are so intricately connected that it is hard to distinguish exactly which one was "the first" Polynesian island. The people who populated these islands, isolated for over a few thousand years, slowly became the ancestors of the Polynesian people.

After about 3,000 years or so, these first Polynesians began migrating from the heart to other parts of the Ocean. Although a definite reason why isn't known, it is speculated that war, shortage of land, food and supplies, and simply the urge to explore, led these seafarers to continue to explore and populate a huge part of the largest Ocean on earth. So the basic route of discovery that these early Polynesian discoverers took, agreed upon by most historians, kind of goes something like this:

From the "Heart" the early Polynesians sailed to, discovered and settled what is now known as Tahiti and the Marquesas Islands, in the rough center of what is now known as the Polynesian Triangle. From this group of islands, they settled what is now known as the Cook Islands; then to the islands of Hawai'i in the north, the islands of Rapa Nui (commonly known as Easter Island) in the east and, eventually, the islands of Aotearoa (commonly known as New Zealand) in the west. Many ask, what is the Polynesian triangle? Well, with Hawai'i in the north, Rapa Nui in the East and Aotearoa in the West, you can basically draw out what the Westerners came to define as the Polynesian Triangle due to the close similarity of the hundreds of peoples, cultures, and languages of all the islands within this "triangle."

I consider Polynesia a nation because of the close relationship between the cultures, languages and peoples of these many islands. It is no surprise that a Tahitian could easily pick up and learn Hawaiian, or a Maori learn Samoan, or a Tongan to learn Samoan. Physically, Polynesians generally look the same and carry the same genetic markers. Our cultures, values and morals are also quite similar, and it is easy to adapt to and learn the customs of our sister-islands. In my opinion, Polynesians are one people with one language, which, over the years, became many people with many dialects.

The islands of Polynesia, though subject to Western influence and power, still proudly carry the culture, language and customs of our ancestors from thousands of years ago. And if you have any doubt about what you have just read here, take yourself to a library, sit your arse at a computer, check out some books and start reading. Because the next time you begin an assumption about Polynesia, I won't hesitate to cut you up.


All Night.

Been up all night. Semi-productivity. I'm going to be tired as fcuk today.... and cranky as hell. Shiet! ha!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


I'm not depressed. People like me DON'T get depressed. We make fun of the idiots who get depressed, but we don't get depressed. Not EVER. LOL. No, I'm in a recession. Just like Uncle Sam's economy. But on the real though, I can't help feeling the way I do. Shit just ain't looking up for me! I don't know, I guess I've been TELLING life what I want instead of ASKING... because I keep getting sidetracked off my game, my goals and my dreams. Yeah, Yeah, I know people are here for me. I got people who got my back, and don't get me wrong, I appreciate it, I really do. But I just wish I had a clone of myself so I could vent to myself about myself.... does that make sense? I don't give a fuck! People got my back but I'm wondering if they really got my heart. 'Cause at the end of the day that's all that matters. Seriously though, I'm really hoping and praying that the new semester brings better Karma for me, because this semester was a hella tough ride to go through. However, I'm grateful that even through all the grimy situations, the pain and the heartache, I'm still making it to class and making all this shit count.

Okay. This seriously was my most random post. Im out ---

Monday, December 1, 2008

Over it.

Stressing again. And no, its not because of finals. Believe me, I handle "finals stress" pretty well. Its the fact that fate decided to bring all my situations crashing down on me ON finals week! I wish my head were bigger so that I could distribute the worry evenly throughout it. I wish my heart were bigger so that I didn't feel this much pain all at one time. *sigh* Ah well. Everything comes to pass. I guess its the wait thats killing me, because Heaven knows I don't have the patience to see all of this shit play out. Ah well...

Saturday, November 29, 2008


So I'm tired. I still haven't finished all the homework I was supposed to do this weekend, but I will get around to it... eventually! My legs hurt from being on my feet all damn day at work. Gotta keep chasin that paypah! A song that seems to be glued into my brain is "Mad" by NeYo. Its a really great song, come to think of it. Makes you stop and think, especially after watching the video. But yeah... time to get serious with my homework.... or I can just take a nap! Obviously, I'm going to do my homework! LOL


Friday, November 28, 2008


So its Thanksgiving and I woke up today to a mass of texts from friends and family, wishing me "Happy" Thanksgiving. Although I have much to be grateful and thankful for, it still pains me to be spending this Holiday in the situation that I'm in. Basically, I need to find a place to stay ASAP. As the holidays come closer, I remain assured that I will not be spending time with family this season. I'm hella gonna miss seeing my nephew and sister this Christmas, but I know that I gotta stay in Hawaii to work, find a place and get myself solidly situated before the next semester. Anyway, I got an email from my mom today and it hella made me tear up. I miss being at home and bothering her about cooking thanksgiving lunch. I miss waking up and feeling secure and happy... like nothing could go wrong. It was just another reality check for me that I found really hard to take in. Ah well...

On another note, much thanks and a warm fa'afetai to Blake and his family for the AWESOME dinner. You really don't know how much it meant to be with people and around a family. It was a good feeling. Thanks to family business for showing up and being punks! LOL. Bhasie you suck at Rockband and don't ever take the mic again. Haha! Jk Bruh

Aight. Im gunna get back to watching these fools play rockband. Thank God none of them are famous. Hahaha

Sunday, November 23, 2008


This weekend was awesome! Again, awakening retreat came at the moment I needed it. Although it was filled with stressful, irritating, and OMG-MY-HEAD-IS-GOING-TO-EXPLODE moments, I had the PEOPLE I NEEDED there with me to cool me down and put me in the "P" zone LOL... my staff!! Yall are awesome! I'm glad I got to know some of the best crackheads in the world! :)

This weekend was stressful but it was also an eye-opening experience to how much prayer and the dependence on God can do for me. At almost every situation where I thought I would lose my cool, HE was there with me, and worked through my staff and friends, to help keep things in focus. With God as your eyes NOTHING is out of sight!

Finally, Im going to say this: I'm satisfied with the way I handled myself and I did what I did to get things DONE. I worked my ass off, especially at the last mintue and during hella stressful situations, I pulled through (due to the support of A LOT of unsung heroes). I'm the kind of leader that appreciates the FEEDBACK but I won't take the BULLSHIT. If you don't like the way I handle things, say it to my face. I might see it your way but chances are, I won't. I know when things are out of my hands and I've learned to give them up to God. I hope many of you out there learn to do the same.

But yeah... I think over this weekend I've probably had like, 7 hours of sleep. I've been cracked out on coffee, energy drinks, fruit roll ups and laughter. Its time to hibernate. LOL.


Friday, November 21, 2008


i 3LP, yeah you know me! :)

Chaminade University's Semesterly Awakening Retreat #20 will be taking place this weekend! It will be the culmination of months of hard work, prayers and preparation. It will be my 5th Awakening (including my original... "#16: Got Faith?" woo hoo!) and with every time comes a new experience. Being on the leadership team on this awakening retreat really opened my eyes to all the planning that goes into it and what goes on 'behind the scenes.' Although there are several changes that will be taking place during this retreat, I remain excited and hopeful that everything will work out. Life has a funny way of doing things sometimes, and I know everything will turn out for the better. This has been a stressful ride for me, considering my many situations, but no matter what I may be feeling or thinking, the success of the retreat is always paramount in my priorities. It is worth all my stress and hard work if this retreat touches just ONE retreater... my work has been done. I ask you guys out there to please pray for the retreat, its success, and also in allowing God to work THROUGH US to touch the lives of the retreaters in attendance. This weekend is going to be amazing!


Wednesday, November 19, 2008


E.W. Wendt

Hey there baby
Hey there lady
This one second we meet
This one moment we share
Our worlds collide
Our stars, they shine
Brightly together
Near you, im blind
As time slows
As the wind stops
And the sun cries
tear drops of rain
on you
on me
In this one second
In this one moment
When our worlds collide
When our stars align
When will I see you again?



If I loved you, you'd know
I wouldn't have any trouble
Trying to show
Just how much I love you,
you know.

Monday, November 17, 2008


Too much shit is happening and I have no time to deal with it. I hate this! I might be overstressing myself, but still, I hate working with people who have no sense of order and direction and who won't reflect the 110% effort that I put in! Fuck, I can do this shit all by myself, 'cause all they doing is slowing me down! EHHH!!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Feeling good.

So I'm feeling pretty good right now. Like, not indestructible good, but like... things are getting better kind of good. I have a family thats always been with me and loves me NO MATTER WHAT; I have friends who annoy the shit outta me sometimes, but who are there for me even if I ain't there for myself (sounds confusing, but whatever. lol); and I have a God who loves me unconditionally... who has blessed me with so much that I can't believe I never realized it before. Its true that its the small things that matter, and I thank Him for putting those small things into my life.

Moving on.... well, we all know and have people who walk in and out of our lives. Sometimes its hard to see them go, even when you know its your fault. However, if you realize your mistakes and you take the steps to apologize and rectify them, and those people still won't budge... well, you've gotta learn to let go, let God and move on. You've done the best you can and its all up to them. No hard feelings, but you don't have time for drama.

Lately I've been posting poetry and its safe to say to expect more. Sometimes random thoughts flood my mind and there ain't no way to get them out but to WRITE. What I write isn't really a reflection of personal experiences. Most of them are, but I take inspiration from everywhere, everything and everyone around me... so hey, if something I write turns out to be related and/or about you, no hard feelings. LOL

But yeah. Its the weekend! I paid my phone bill (thanks mom) so now I'm BROKE. I got a job now so I guess I'm good and heading in the right direction. If you can, hit up Cirque tonight... its gunna be my first night there but from what I heard, ITS HELLA CRACKIN! LOL.


Thursday, November 13, 2008


*I was going through my old MySpace blogs and found this in the mess. Hella relates to how I feel right now...

Saturdays at Home

At home, Saturdays
are the best and
sometimes the worst
days of the week.

Usually I'd wake up
enticed by the smell
of early morning breakfast:
fresh, buttered bread,
hot brewed tea
and my favorite,
mom's koko alaisa (cocoa rice).

It was always mom
who woke up early,
every Saturday morning
to do laundry
to be dried by
the morning sun,
to cook breakfast
and read
her Saturday paper.

when my siblings and I
didn't get up early enough,
we'd awake to my mom's scolding:
"Get up!
get up!
Moe umi so'o!
Wake up
and do
your chores!"

after breakfast
fe'au (chores)
after fe'au
after fe'au
after fe'au
would follow,
which is why I
detested Saturdays.
Saturdays were made
for chores,
my parents would say
and every Saturday
they stayed true
to their word.

After the
morning fe'au,
afternoon fe'au
and (insert small rest period)
evening fe'au,
we would shower
and later,
overlook the day's work
while the sun set
in the west;
a cool evening breeze
to herald the
moon, stars and night.

Saturday Evening Lotu (prayer)
was important
mom said,
like every Lotu
of every evening
of every day
of every week;
Lotu was family time,
but most importantly
dad said,
it was
family time with God.

Saturday dinners
were flexible
because my parents,
exhausted from the
day's fe'au
(and from scolding us
for being too lazy to do our fe'au),
usually took us driving
around the island
and stop at a store
to buy some snacks to eat.

Later my parents
would retire,
but before sleeping
mom would say,
"Sleep early
to wake up early
and cook Sunday To'ana'i (lunch)
before leaving
for church.
Vaai i le mea e tupu
i le tama'ititi pe a le
vave ala i luga,"
She would warn.

"Good night mom
we love you,"
my siblings and I
would say (smiling, of course)
before turning on
the T.V.
to watch movies
and play games
and stay up late
exactly as my mom
told us not to do.

Like always
we'd wake up late
on Sunday Morning,
but that's a whole different story.

I'd give anything
to fall asleep on a
Friday night in Oahu,
and wake up
at home
on Saturday morning,
to the enticing smell
of mom's breakfast
and to hear her scolding us
from the kitchen,
like the beginning of
every Saturday at home.


Basically the headline says it all! I finally caught a break and things look like they're going to be great after all. Its amazing how, at the moment you seem to have lost all hope, and when you least expect it, God moves into your life and gives you what you need WHEN you need it. Praise be to Him! Much gratitude to my bruh Anthony for putting in a good word for me. You really don't know how much I appreciate this (well, maybe you do because I told you like, several times before lol)!! Also, a heartfelt fa'afetai and mahalo to all the people who had my back and who supported me through this time of trial and difficulty. And although the hardships may not be over, I can definitely say I can see the sunshine breaking through the clouds! :)

Monday, November 10, 2008

Other Guy.

A little something inspired by all the men who've been in the "other guy" situation. Hope it all works out! Sucks to be you and in love... lol. Just kidding :)

Other Guy

I’ve given you my heart
But you’re tearing it in two
And I’m doing all I can
To understand what you’re going through
My pride is telling me to leave
But I know its too damn late
Girl, you’re the one I love
I know that’s no mistake.
You said it ain’t a thing
That this problem will go away
You said I’m the one you want
And you keep telling me to stay.

Then tell me why I feel this way
That I shouldn’t even try
Because no matter what I do or say
I’ll still just be the other guy.

My homies told me to keep my distance,
That you weren’t worth the risk
But my heart was already yours
From the moment we first kissed.
I can’t stop thinking about you
Even if it won’t do me any good
Because while you occupy my mind
Your heart still lingers with the other dude.
You said it ain’t a thing
That I’m the guy you want
You said he’s just a minor problem
That you just can’t confront.

Then tell me why I feel this way
That I shouldn’t even try
Because no matter what I do or say
I’ll still just be the other guy.

When I hold your hands or kiss your lips
Or look into your eyes
I’m hoping that there is some truth
Behind this curtain of lies.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel this way
That I could stop loving you so much
But I know that without you with me
I’d be a lame man without his crutch.
You said it ain’t a thing
That you need me more than ever
You said that you’ll get over him
And that we’ll always be together.

Then tell me why I feel this way
That I shouldn’t even try
Because no matter what I do or say
I’ll still just be the other guy.

I’m hoping one day you’ll realize
Just how much I’ve given up
For the love I have for you
I just can’t get enough.
But until the day comes
That you’ll be all mine
I’ll always be here for you
Waiting to be your only guy.

(c)2008 E.W. Wendt


The weekend was okay. Mostly slept, went to a birthday party (Ups to Family Business & Young Padawan the Birthday Boyy), had an argument & a "falling out" with others, acted a little crazy, went to Church, sang in the choir and ate some nachos.

Now its on to the new week :)

Wednesday, November 5, 2008



Today, history was made, and I'm grateful and happy to have been a part of it (although I had to skip a class today lol). Today I witnessed the rise of a great man to the highest seat of authority in our country. He represents the change we need to move our people and our nation forward and to make a positive impact in our world. I believe America put the right man in office, and I know he will do an awesome job! I mean, did you hear his speech?! Obama is an inspiring and eloquent leader who will move our country forward.


Monday, November 3, 2008


Sorry I haven't been posting much, but here goes the recent updates...

Halloween was awesome! I took time out to finally go see my family out in Kapolei on Friday, and I took my little cousins trick-or-treating and surprisingly, it was great! It was kind of a break from the same old "walk-and-get-drunk-at-the-waikiki-strip" deal and I got loads of candy :) It felt good to be with family and just be a kid again! No, I didn't dress up but I got candy anyway.... I was the biggest "kid" on the block (if you don't count the other Samoan fa'akamakamas out there! LOL). Saturday, me and the family drove out to Hawaii Kai to have fun at the beach and ride their jet skii... man was that AWESOME! I fell off a couple of times (it hurt a little but it was fun! haha!) and I finally got the hang of it, and when they let me drive that thing.... I was a monster! haha! I almost hit a buoy but luckily I didn't ram any divers over or anything..haha! It was a good day with great people and lots of food :D Sunday was alright... I had breakfast with the family and then I had to leave early so I could make it on time for my AR Heads Meeting (commitment and responsibility! haha!) Overall, it was a great and much needed break from all the business I'm usually around and all the shit I have to deal with.

On another note, I'm still keeping positive despite the refusal of fate to work in my favor. But I'm not backing down. Hopefully my persistence will begin to persevere, for now, think of me when you pray :)

Also, with all the relationships budding everywhere, some have asked me (how dare they!? lol) if I was going to be in a "romantic" relationship soon. My answer to that is... hell no! I am not in a time, place or moment in my life where I think I could handle any "romantic" relationship. I'm a man of priorities, and "romantic" relationships/love just doesn't make the cut. At least not now anyway. I mean, I'm at the point in life where I'm concentrated on my success, and I just don't have room for any lovey-dovey shit. I am not about to jump into something where the girl and I would eventually end up getting hurt (more her than me lol), and I am not about to put some girl in that position. I refuse to be the cause of your bitterness! LOL! But yeah, at least I'm man enough to admit that I am not ready for any kind of commitment, unless it deals with my personal development. When will I be ready for a steady relationship? Maybe after Law School when I am ready to support her ass... haha! jk :)

I think thats all for now. I didn't do any kind of homework this weekend, so I'm hoping there won't be any unpleasant academic surprises tomorrow... haha!


Tuesday, October 28, 2008


Ban me, Try me, and Write me up
With these words allow me to sum it up
Cuz right now I really don't give a fuck!
Try what you might and do what you must,
But you ain't ever gonna break my bonds of trust.
I've been in your world, so naive and corrupt
You believe you uphold but all you do is disrupt!
I'm sick of your lies and I've had enough
I've got my game face on and I'm calling your bluff
Just sit back and relax and listen while I talk
Let me put shoes on your mouth and let you walk
While you talked all your shit, I bet you never thought
That I'd come back like this; you believed that I lost
But bitch this game ain't over it has only begun
And when this war is through, I'll be the ONLY ONE.

Sunday, October 26, 2008


These are the words I'd like to say. These are the words you refuse to hear.

I know I'm to blame for whats happened to you. There is no sugar-coating it, covering it up or trying to lay it out in some good way. I'm at fault and there is no other way to put it. Your anger is justified. Your reaction to the situation is understandable. And thats what tears my heart to pieces. The fact that what is happening to you is my fault my fault my fault my fault. If I could do anything to reverse my decisions, I would do so in a heartbeat. I'm powerless to save you from what I brought upon you.

I'm sorry. And I know I'm not worthy of your forgiveness.

Your friendship means more to me than I think you know, or ever will know. You not talking to me and shutting me out of your life is understandable as much as it shocks me. Out of all my friends and acquaintences, having you not speak to me hits me the hardest. Truthfully, I've never realized how much your friendship and relationship means to me until I lost it.

All I can say is that I'm sorry. You are such a huge, inpsiring and wonderful part of my life. I just don't know how to get that back, and asking for it may as well be asking for too much.

Thursday, October 23, 2008


Rising above yourself can be a difficult move to make. I mean, I know the problem. I recognize the problem. But its so f**cking hard to move on and let it go. But there is no better time then now. At some point and time a realization must be made to make the move to actually change myself. To transcend to something higher, better and newer. As such, I've decided to quit the consumption of alcohol for a year... or maybe more. For those who know me as in KNOW ME, this is one helluva unbelievable move to make. But I'm making it. I've discovered the root of my problems and I've decided to eradicate it from my life.... well, at least for year :) For those who don't believe I can do it... JUST WATCH ME. And for those who got my back... HELP ME THROUGH THIS! haha!

Before I leave I'd like to leave a small poem which has become my favorite in a matter of hours:

"Man is his own star; and the soul that can
Render an honest and a perfect man,
Commands all light, all influence, all fate;
Nothing to him falls early or too late.
Our acts our angels are, good or ill,
Our fatal shadows that walk by us still."
- Epilogue to Beaumont and Fletcher's Man's Fortune

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


Being at the bottom doesn't necessarily mean you have to stay there. I have the best people on my side who will help me through all of this. As tough and as difficult as this situation may be, inevitable success will follow. Through sheer will, external support and especially the power of my God, I will rise. Refreshed. Restored. Renewed.

Stay tuned. The comeback is coming soon.

Monday, October 20, 2008


Right now, I don't think being 6 feet under is such a bad idea. Or 10 feet. Or 30. The culmination of my patience and persistence seems to have gotten me no where. Thinking about solving problems hurts and hoping that those problems will be solved hurts even more. I hate this feeling of being stuck in a coffin with your hands tied and your mouth gagged, struggling against a darkness that seems to push back harder every time you try to escape. No, I'm not suicidal. My life is too amazing to be wasted. Its just that I've come to a point where everything is crashing down around me, and I can't seem to pick up the pieces fast enough. Oh, I'll be fighting all the way through. Only the outcome seems to be bleak from my perspective. What I hate and what hurts the most? The fact that I let this avalanche happen and I'm slowly being buried under it.

Friday, October 17, 2008


My midterms are OVER! *Hallelujah Chorus plays triumphantly in the background* How did I do, you ask... well, lets just say in a war, you win some and you lose some, but I guess I gained more than I won (I hope!). I'm just glad its over! In my two-and-a-half years in college, none of my classes had midterm exams. Sure, there were midterm quizzes (which were usually take-home) and papers, but never exams. But hey, there is a first for everything. But my academic nightmare hasn't stopped.... I have papers due this week and, needless to say, more homework. But I'm trying to keep the stress at bay...

On a brighter note, I finally got pictures of my nephew from my sister!! He's all growed up and his hair is WILD... just like his favorite uncle. I'm so ecstatic that heres an introductory pic:

You won't believe how much I miss him and as excited as I am to see him again, I don't think I wanna attempt to carry him 'cuz my baby is getting big! Seeing new pictures of him just made my day. It's funny how someone so small can affect me in such a big way. Thinking about or seeing my nephew, or hear him on the phone really brings things into focus for me and gets my day going. I love you mini-me! :)

Other than that life has been the same: ROLLING. The only thing for me is that the ball is rolling uphill... but not to worry, directions change.

I'd also like to offer shout-outs to:
* Camille on her 21st Birthday yesterday! Sorry I missed your dinner and I know you're going to be the funnest legal person I know :)

* Moresa on her 20th Birthday today! OCEAN, ia, fai fa'alelei lou happy birthday gagei... but tomorrow night, we TEAR IT UP!!!

* Ivoga... I mean, PRINCESS Ivoga on her 21st Birthday tomorrow (today, actually, since its 12 o'clock). What're we doing? OH... OH... OH... DUH! We gonna do that! What else is there to do? LOL. Lets go to Waianae and do how the Waianae-ans do! Hahaha!

Aight. Gotta hit the sack.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


This weekend more or less went the way I planned. I did the whole have fun part but hella neglected the study and homework part (that is totally gonna bite me in the ass!). White Sunday was off the hook!! I hella regret not participating this semester, but I will in the future. This weekend was sort of like a "Samoan" Weekend for me. It was fun to just cruise with my LOS/Samoan Aiga these past few days. I mean, to just cruise with people who you can talk to in Samoan and especially remembering all those "when-we-was-little-white-sunday" stories from back home felt really....great. It felt like I was back home :) Monday was especially great because I got to spend it with my Samoan Aiga, chingin, drinking, eating, playing games, laughing, talking and just relaxing and having a good time. I hope more days like this are to come. haha!

On another note, my life is still in a standstill, so to speak. I mean, I'm trying to move forward and progress but this shit is harder than I thought. Which means I just have to try harder and harder. I know things will pull through, but I just need to work harder and get the forces to work in my favor. "With God with you WHO (or WHAT) can be against you?" I trust and believe that my Lord will pull me through.

Also, as some of you may noticed I've also been posting poetry in my blogs. First, YES I write all my pieces. Second, NO they are not all derived from personal/real experiences. I'm inspired by everything and everyone around me, so the poems might not be about me at all.... it might be about you! haha!

Other than that... midterms SUCK! And I hate being busy with all this stuff, and I'm trying to take one day at a time. HOLLA to all those people (Friends & Family) who've kept me on the right track and helped me out in these difficult time. I LUH JUUU ALLLL! LOL.

Aight. Gotta hit the books. (or sleep on them. haha!)

Sunday, October 12, 2008


I'll size you up / Then chop you down / With just one word / I'll be sure you drown / My tongue is quick / My brain is faster / I'll take you on a trip / 'Cause I'm the boss' master / I walk my talk / And I talk my shit / I got shoes on my tongue / You know I run this / I'll use one word / Or I'll use plenty / You know I run first class / Bitch I'm Gentry / Whats your weapon of choice? / Don't talk before you think / 'Cause you've already lost / As soon as I begin to speak / You can tie my hands / You can gouge my eyes / But if I have my tongue / I'll never die! / People turn to dust / And memories fade / But words are immortal / 'Cause with words we are made / Do what you like / Until the end of days / But as long as I'm around / I'll always get my say.

E.W. Wendt[101208]

Saturday, October 11, 2008


She loves me
She loves me not
Pushing me away
Pulling me back in
She gives me no thought
She thinks she'll win
Plucking my heart
Like petals from a flower
I fall to the ground
And she'll just get another
Its easy for her
Like picking out jewelry
A different one each day
But this bitch don't know me
She loves me
She loves me not
She nags and complains
At the little shit I forgot
She won't care to remember
The Gucci?
The Louis?
The Diamonds?
The Jewelry?
All the shit that I bought!
She blows up my phone
But she won't blow me
She wants independence
But she won't free me
Complaining about commitment
But I can't commit without trust
'Cause all shes waiting to do
Is break out a bust
Trying to catch me in a lie
About who I been with
Or where I been going
It doesn't matter how hard I try
She'll just judge before knowing
She loves me
She loves me not
She tears at my emotions
Like a Forget-Me-Not
But Bitch I ain't a flower
My heart doesn't have petals
But it has a pulse
Listen to its beat
'Cause it sounds like this:
Dishes breaking
Bags dragging
You nagging
Me laughing
Footsteps walking
Door slamming
Car zooming
Me? Fucking...
Yeah, I'm with another
And this I won't regret
Not here
Not now
Not ever
Yall complain about players
Yall complain about the game
But bitch you are the reason
You made me this way!
So when you get another man
Wisely consider your thoughts
But as for me
I loved you
I love you not.

E.W. Wendt[101108]

Friday, October 10, 2008


The weekend is upon us, but it don't feel like it. Maybe its the fact that I haven't had a good nights sleep since Tuesday. Maybe its the crappy weather. Or maybe its just an omen that this weekend will suck. Well, I'm praying it doesn't. I'm anticipating many things these coming days: catching up on homework & my studies, White Sunday (on Sunday, duh!), a long deserved HOLIDAY (thank the Lord for Columbus! haha!) and especially looking towards actually doing something I've been looking to do since the longest time everrrrrrr-errrr-errr. LOL. I mean, it might not be the way I expect it to be, but hey, beggars can't be choosers! haha!

Speaking of White Sunday, I suppose some of you don't know the actual concept behind this special "Samoan" Sunday. They way I explain it flows like this: You know how theres a Mother's day and a Father's day? Well White Sunday is sorta like a Children's day, so to speak. In Samoan we call it "Lotu Tamaiti" which literally translates to Children's Sunday. We call it White Sunday in English because all the kids (and when Samoans say "kids", they mean anyone who is under 30 and/or doesn't have children. LOL) get decked out in the whitest & cleanest ie lavalavas and puletasis.

On White Sunday, the kids do memory verses, and sometimes sermons, sing songs, lead prayers and perform skits. After the morning service, the family throws a huge feast for the children, and this may be the only time the kids get to eat what they want. When I say huge, I mean it in every sense of the word... the parents go ALL OUT with the food its crazy! (Maybe that explains why we're so big. LOL) For the evening service, the older kids (a.k.a the youth) usually put on plays/skits from the Bible or stories pertaining to some Biblical lesson.

All this talk about White Sunday makes me hella miss home. Growing up I DREADED White Sunday. I wasn't the most outgoing of kids, but when White Sunday came around, you threw your shyness out the door..... or your parents threw something at you! LOL. Fo'reals! We had to memorize lines and lines and lines of Bible Passages, more lines of songs (WITH actions!) and also your lines in the skits and plays. And Samoan parents really expect a lot out of their kids when they go up on stage to recite their memory verses (more like a sermon LOL), sing their songs and act out their parts in the play. And you weren't allowed to be shy, to cry and to say you didn't want to do it..... because you really DON'T have a choice in the matter. HAHA! Besides, the amount of food and treats you receive usually depends on how you do up on that stage. Believe me, when it comes down to it, its a great motivator! haha!

Ah well... no matter how much I may miss Samoa, I know I'm out here for my family and I gotta do the best I can here... for me but especially them. Family is everything in Samoa and they only come second to God, who is first in our lives and hearts.

Damn. I wrote more than I intended to. If this was a paper I'd edit some shit out, but yeah.... I won't. So read the damn thing. HAHA!

Have a great weekend homies and fa'sho I'll keep you posted if anything interesting happens :)


So I'm supposed to be studying for a midterm tomorrow, but evidently, that ain't happening. Don't worry, I'll get to it in a minute, or an hour, or a few hours... haha! Anyway, I was thinking about the whole U.S. economic situation and even though it sounds crazy, I don't think I'm that worried. Crash or no crash, I think I'll be good. I mean, when I think about it, if the economy does come crashing down, I'll just fly myself back to Samoa and live off of my land. No Realtor. No mortgage. No landlord. Just me, the coconuts, breadfruits, bananas, taro, pigs, chickens and all that good FREE stuff. I mean, Hooray for the American Economy, but c'mon, everyone has to have a backup plan... and I'm super confident in mine (in theory at least! haha!).

Also, I've had inquiries as to what "H.T.W" signifies, which is what I sign my blogs with. Obviously it has nothing to do with my name, well not really, but it has everything to do with who I am. H.T.W. is (well, one of the many variations) my maternal grandfather's initials: Henry Trood Wendt, known to us as Papa. He was of Samoan and German descent and built his family up from almost nothing. He was a hard working individual who never settled for less. He raised 24 children (yes, that is the correct number and yes, our family reunions are crazy... at least in theory because we haven't had one yet due to the humongous-ness of our family. LOL) and several of the mulitudes of grandchildren, and instilled the values to them that are still a focal point of my family. Unfortunately, Papa passed on before I could meet him, but when I hear stories of him and what he's done, I feel closer to him than ever. So there it is... H.T.W.

Alright, alright. Back to studying. Pray for me yall. And my prayers with all of you who are taking midterms. Ace that shit and give Chamiande a run for its money! Haha!

Shoutout to my bruhs... Family Business... for keeping shit real and starting me on this blog shit. Now I can't stop. Hahaha!

Thursday, October 9, 2008


As some of you may have noticed, I deleted a post. I do not want my blog to be fuckin faika/gossip central, because that wasn't my intention, and if deleting a post prevents that then so be it. Get your juicy information from someone else. Im out.


She's got style
She's got swag
She's my homie
And I'm her man.

She sways her hips
And I see you look
You checkin her goods,
She got you hooked.

She smells so sweet
But tastes even better
I'm caught in her spell
And leave her, I'll never.

Yall can look
But don't ever touch
'Cause me and my girl,
We bad as fuck!

She's a bomb on her own
But with me she's a killah
She's the answer to all my questions,
She's my breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I can't go a day without her
She's my daily medication
And at night she does amazing things
I don't ever need to mention.

What God has brought together
Let no one tear apart
'Cause this girl right here
Is the one who holds my heart.

With her there ain't no games
There ain't no playa in her eyes
I left the games to the boys
And I won a man's prize.

She's not the girl of my dreams
'Cause I'm all about reality
And what me and my girl have
Is as real as it can be.

She's got style
She's got swag
She's my homie
And I'll always be her man.

-E.W. Wendt [100908]

Tuesday, October 7, 2008


I'm missing the dude I used to be. I'm missing my high ambition & my drive. I'm missing the qualities that got me so far in life. If I went back in time four years ago, I wouldn't recognize the person I've become today. I know change is inevitable, but not all change can be good. I used to be that guy who didn't give a fukc about going out or cruisin. I used to be that guy that had a goal, a plan and focus. I seemed to have lost my focus and drive to attain my goals. I mean, I know where I want to go and where I want to be in life, but so far shit just ain't flowin my way. Idk I guess its just a dose of nostalgia. I miss the me I used to be and I hope I become him again. Someday :)

Monday, October 6, 2008


I've decided to unveil my damn self on this blog because trying to keep this anonymous ain't the easiest thing in the world to do. HELLO WORLD! My name doesn't matter, but you can call me Mannyfresh. Enough said.

Now its down to business...

This weekend was alright. Friday was my laundry-homework night. Saturday morning I had fun chillen and washing cars with my L.O.S Aiga. It was just like them old days... washing cars and washing each other! Haha! Later on that night we hit up Do Re Mi Karaoke for a birthday party, and needless to say that shit was poppin! Do Re Mi is da place to be! HAHA! Sunday was pretty cruise and it was the kind of day I needed :) Pictures are forthcoming.

On the real... I'm still trying to figure out my life. I still haven't received word on a job or a place, but Imma be patient and pray everything works out. Today is WTF Monday because thats exactly how I'm feeling. ("Rainy days and mondays always get me down"... haha!) I feel weirdly disconnected from everyone today. I don't know why but maybe its just one of those days. Or maybe its just because I have two exams today that I am hella NOT peprared for. To quote a wise friend I'll call Ariola... "AH, FUCK MY LIFE!" Hahaha.

Saturday, October 4, 2008


People have been irritating me all damn day, and if I knocked someone's lights out, I swear I wouldn't be regretting it any time soon. People are funny. They're like a bunch of scattered glass, and you have to be careful to step around them but not ON them, just in case they break. People love drama. Girls love drama. Guys love drama. Yo mama loves drama. I admit I get drama in my life, but I like to keep that shit on the D.L. It annoys the fack outta me when people bring drama to me. Sure I'll have an open ear (or both, if I like you) for your problems, but when you cross the line and try to bring me into YOUR SHIT... nah man, I'm not going for that business. Keep yo drama fo yo mama if you don't know how to handle it. Get over your damn high school shit and move on. Another thing, DON'T try to get all invovled in shit you have no business putting yo big ass nose in. If it's an A and B conversation, don't try and insert your C. Me? I tell people what I want them to hear and I keep the rest for myself. The best kept secrets are the ones that are between you and God... fack man, I don't even trust the wind... haha.

Friday, October 3, 2008


Today just isn't my f**king day. I have hella shit to do but I'm too damn irritated, worried, angry and distracted to actually do anything. Actually, the past couple of weeks have been the worst I've experienced. I lost a job and a place to stay, and I'm hella fighting to keep my head above the water. Everyone says its gonna be okay but I also know what they're thinking but not saying: that it was my fault. I know the mistake I made and now I'm paying for it and I thank them for not reminding me of it. I'm realizing how ill equipped I am to deal with this shit. I'm literally living off of the kindness of friends & strangers and although I know God is with me, I seriously don't know how I'm going to deal with this shit. I need a job, I need to find a place and to top it off I'm stressing and fighting to keep my grades up and my ass in school. I tell people that I'm good but it ain't the truth. I'm sick of staying up when everything is going downhill. I feel like I'm stuck and shit just ain't moving and nothing is going my way. I know God never gives us situations we cannot handle, but I think I'm on the brink of losing it on this one...


I never thought I'd be doing this blog bullshit. My friends are cool and they have blogs, so maybe I should have one too. Its just like doing drugs because its cool and everyone does it. DUH! Sure I post random shit on my MySpace, but it isn't the same. I don't know why I'm doing this so don't ask. I don't care that anyone reads this or not. I may or may not make future posts after this one. I'm a random kind of guy so my posts will reflect that. If you know who this is, woop-de-fuckin-doo! give yourself a cookie and pat yourself on your hairy back. If you don't then don't ask. I most likely will not be posting pictures, and if I do it means something. Videos and music are probably going to go up because I'm cool like that. If I rant about situations and persons up on this, it will probably be in some code because I don't want to hurt their feelings (or maybe I will). Okay, I think thats it for now. Stop reading and get back to the real world.