I'VE MOVED!!

So yeah, this blog site wasn't really working for me, so I've moved! It was uncalled for, but I stumbled on to a better site and lets just say you'll be hearing/seeing a lot more from me on THAT site. It's way better.

So yeah, hit me up on: www.atniem.tumblr.com

If you have a blog you should sign up with tumblr too & follow me :)

Aight. See you guys there!

Scenes from Home

So I found these pictures in my albums and they really hit the spot. They’re pictures I took when I was at home a year ago, and looking at them now really makes me miss home. On the real though, Samoa (both American Samoa & the Independent state of Samoa) is a true beauty. I mean, I’ve been living in Hawaii for little over three years now and it really is amazing here, but Samoa just has this raw, traditional and natural appeal that I haven’t seen in Hawaii. But yeah, enjoy the pics.

Peace Easy!

A quick pic…

So while I was at the Sullivan Library at Chaminade University, I snapped this picture while I was standing on the second level of the building. It shows the Sullivan Library “field” and beyond that, Eiben Hall.

I must say that, although CUH has given me headaches and heartaches (and still continues to do so! lol!) it still is one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen. Much of our landscape beauty is owed to the great maintenance/landscaping staff CUH is privileged to have!

 
Isn’t it beautiful? Really shows off a true Hawaiian Summer day :)

Financial Aid

Financial Aid: these two words can be both blessing and curse. And in my current case, its a dreadful and irritable curse.

So, like most college students, I can hardly afford to attain a Baccalaureate degree. Basically, for the past three years in college, I’ve been making it by on federal financial aid, parental support and other friendly sources of income. However, without financial aid, my college education would vanish.

So today, I find out that my FAFSA (basically an application to qualify for federal aid) was somehow rejected. So I go see the Financial Aid office at our school and they tell me just to make the corrections and resubmit the application…

So, twenty minutes ago, I was on the site attempting to correct what they said were the reasons why my application was denied, and well… NOTHING WORKED! The normal application was confusing, but making corrections was just downright impossible! I didn’t understand the questions and after I tried to correct the FAFSA it ended up seeming worse than before.

Needless to say, I’m frustrated. EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED. I hate FAFSA with a passion. I hate financial aid. And I hate the fact that I’m not super rich and that I have to go through this bullshit. *ugh*

Well, I’m going back to the FinAid office and hopefully they can help me understand these corrections and fix them up. I NEED FINANCIAL AID! This is my last year in college and I can’t afford for everything to screw up right now.

Pray for me folks :)

Peace Easy

Back On The Scene

Hey! So I’ve been missing for a while on the blog scene. Yeah, yeah, I know. But its been a hectic past few weeks and besides that, I’ve been extremely lazy. Extremely! Speaking of laziness, I’ve been getting stressed out about things I’ve left undone and now its back to kick me in the ass. Word of advice: Never leave anything you should do today for tomorrow… real talk! I know it sounds like some corny piece of advice, but its the truth. Procrastination never turns out for the best. (Wtf am I talking about? I’m sitting here, blogging, while I have a paper to do?! LOL!)

Anyway… I went to Samoa for like three weeks and it was amazing to be with family. Being back in Hawaii isn’t the same, but its something I need to do. Another thing I need to do? Get a job… again, being a lazy ass isn’t getting me anywhere. FML!

Ah well. More detailed posts are to come. Stay tuned! Hey, maybe even some videos :)

Peace Easy.

Futurama Drama...

So next semester I'm going to be a senior in college. Yup. August will mark my fourth year in the halls of Chaminade University of Honolulu. Big deal. As I come closer to what will be my last year in Chaminade (I hope lol), the fact of being a college graduate is hitting me harder each day. Thoughts of the future haunt the edges of my mind, and before I can sleep, I fight off the inevitable question: What am I going to do after graduation?

Four years ago, coming into college, I had it all planned out. I had a formula and a plan; I was equipped with a plan that would get me from point A to point B to point C in my life. I was set and ready to go. But what I didn't plan on was college changing my life... for better or for worse, I wasn't the same guy I was when I made these plans. I was going to get an undergraduate degree in English or Criminal Justice or both, get into Law School, graduate with my JD, pass my bar exam and be a successful and hopefully filthy rich lawyer.

But now... I really don't know where this plan, and others, are headed. Law school? The more I think about it, the more I realize that it's just not for me. The LSAT is a daunting task in and of itself, not to mention the amount of energy and preparation its going to take to even get me there. I'm not ruling it out completely, I'm just now realizing the flaws in my oh-so-perfect plan.

As I lay here at 3AM, trying to go to bed, I'm seriously considering other options: the military (an option I never considered up until now), going straight into the work force, and even more strongly, the joining the Peace Corps.

I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking too much into it. Or maybe I haven't thought it over enough. All I know is that I have more or less than 12 months to figure out what it is I'll be doing... because a year from now, God willing, I'll be a college graduate. And hopefully by now I'll be ready instead of being up at 3AM blogging about it :)

Heavyweight.

The semester is done. But I don't feel as relieved as I should be. I feel shitty. Theres so much on my mind. This semester was another challenge and, academically, a disappointment. I procrastinated so much... TOO MUCH... this semester. The goals I set weren't met and at the end of the day, when I ask myself if I gave it my best... my all... the truth at the bowels of my being scream NO!! No, I didn't give it my all. No, I didn't give it my best. No, I didn't fight the full fight but I gave up half way. The goals I set weren't met and now I'm beginning to question where my life is headed. I need my motivation back. I need that drive I had for academics back in my life. I need to achieve and remain focused.

This summer I'm going to rethink... reevaluate... and try to find myself.

Ridiculousness.

Whats ridiculous?

Attending a University that doesn't have a 24 hour Library. If not that, have somewhere open late where students who don't have the option (for whatever reason) to study at their own place. A group of friends and I used to be able to use one of the small conference rooms on campus to get together and study all night, but until recently that option was also made unavailable. Its ridiculous. You charge so much and your services really do suck, to put it bluntly. Yeah, you're a small private university and all that, but seriously, you could do more. Like leaving that damn conference room for us to study in. At least give us that. Oh no, we're probably going to be charged extra on our tuition for something like that.

Its ridiculous.

FINALS WEEK SUCKS!

So, I'm at the last week of instruction and basically it blows. I have so much to do that I've been putting off for a long time that I'm seriously getting bitten in the ass!! This is the most work that I've had to do for finals week since I've arrived at Chaminade... and although my stress level hasn't peaked, I'm still resisting the urge to run down the halls of the library, screaming my f*cken head off! LOL! After this hectic week of paper writing, I have two finals to do and then take two finals next week and I'M DONE!

Oh, but the stress doesn't end there!

I need to find a job. Pronto. Anything, Anywhere would be awesome at this point. I'm spending most if not all of my summer here in Oahu so I NEED A JOB to help with the expenses and shit. So anyone with anything out there... let me know!

Alright folks. Its back to the books for me.

Peace | Easy

ps. Facebook is the devil when you're trying to write a paper! LOL

One Life, One Chance :)

The past couple of days I've felt SO GOOD. I cannot begin to describe just how great I've been feeling :) I know I know, I'm not usually the most sentimental of people, but I can't help but for the first time in a long time, I'm truly happy.

This weekend was more than amazing. I wish there was one word to describe my beautiful retreat experience this weekend; meeting such amazing and life changing people and experiencing things I thought I've gone through before, but God was just kidding ;) and He refreshed me this weekend.

This was my sixth awakening experience, including my introductory one, and I can tell you that out of all of them, THIS was by far the best :) It had nothing to do with the fact that I was rector but the fact that I was able to meet awesome people and experience amazing things. It was also the fact that I was FINALLY able to let go (and let God) of so many things that I thought I could handle on my own.

So many aspects of my life that I was struggling with... God took it from me, because I was finally willing and able to LET HIM. I can't believe how I've come to overlook my greatest Help when He's been right here all along. It saddens me to think that focusing on my struggles and on life has blinded me to God's extending hand, but this weekend He opened the eyes of my heart.

He opened my soul and now I'm beginning to realize that I've been blessed all along. SO MANY THINGS I took for granted because I've been focused on LOOKING DOWN instead of LOOKING UP to HIM. So many blessings I've passed by because I was worried and worried and worried instead of letting it all go... the bullshit, the drama, the headaches, the heartaches, the struggles.... and dammit it feels so GOOD. I'm still reeling from how good it feels to be free.

I've learned many things about myself, about others and about God this weekend. And for the first time in a long time I KNOW I'M CHANGED. I feel like all my previous retreats, those singular amazing experiences, have prepared me for this point... and this retreat was the cherry on top... giving me the strength, the hope, the confidence, THE FAITH, the love, and the belief to finally.... FINALLY... MOVE FORWARD.

I've been at the bottom. I've been stuck between a rock and a hard place. But my Lord has delivered me and guess what? I'm moving on. Those moments were a part of my past. As painful as they were, they are still a part of my life but I've learned from them, I've accepted them and from them I've garnered the will power to get my life back on track.

To my Awakening 'Ohana: you mean the world to me. Each and every one of you. From the first awakening retreat to this one, and everyone who has ever said a prayer for awakening or been involved or paid or sponsored someone or something for awakening.... THANK YOU. I owe this moment and point in time to you.

For those who haven't had the CUH Awakening Experience.... I'm going to stop bugging you to go. This past weekend God let me know that HE has a time and place for everything. It's obvious it wasn't your time to attend retreat and I know... when God sees that you need or will need it the most... HE WILL make a way for you. Until then... enjoy the smile on my (and my family's faces! lol) and then ask us why... and we'll tell you:

FUN STUFF!

peace easy.

1DA.

One Day Away....

One day away until Awakening Retreat 21: One Life, One Chance. I'm excited and nervous, but for the most part, I'm calm, cool and collected. But I'm sure when I get to the site, and my staff starts setting up and I see the first retreater come through those doors.... it will be an overwhelming explosion of excitement and emotions. THIS, is what I've been working towards. THIS is what my partner and my fellow leadership team have been working towards. THIS is what the entire staff of AR21 has been working...practicing...sweating...trusting...leading...following towards. This is the culmination of all our hard work, love and commitment for the Awakening experience.

I am a little bummed that most of my Samoan friends withdrew from attending, but I guess its just not their time. I'm one day away from making a difference in someone's life. THIS IS MY CHANCE and I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

- Emmanuel Williams
Rector; Awakening 21: One life, One chance

Roller coaster

Going up... and then down. I thought I'd be used to life's roller coaster antics by now but I guess its taking its toll again. As soon as I feel as if life is getting better, it turns around and throws a curveball I didn't see coming. What to do but to get back up again, right?

Temporary Release;

Alas! at my predicament
This inevitable situation
A series of growing problems
And unsolvable complications.
I'm lost amongst the misty waves,
A ship without a sail
Losing sight of all direction
A tireless fight with no avail.
Imagine, if you will
Standing in sinking sand
Such is my dilemma
And I've let it get out of hand.
A smile I must keep
Masking all the pain,
A cape upon my shoulders
To disguise the heavy gain.
Who is to blame for these troubles?
Is it I who carries this weight?
Or am I a victim of circumstance,
A powerless pawn of fate.
Everything has been analyzed
And my head reels with doubt
But the burden on my heart is the greatest
A continuous pain I'd rather live without.
Each morning remains mundane
Each day is not fulfilling
I long to escape this monotony
But my Self is stubbornly unwilling.
So I remain anchored in reality
And I'm left with asking WHY
Must I continue my search for purpose?
Or simply wait for my turn to die.

Awakening Countdown!

So, I got bored and made this flyer using GIMP. I think its awesome! Awakening 21 is 15 days away!! WOOHOO!

So Today...

Was an okay day. I talked to my mom and little brother and to hear them was very good... therapeutic, I should say. Well, that is all. I'm kind of tired and I got big things to do tomorrow. Better posts are ahead :)

Peace|Easy

What to do, What to think...

I know, I've been slacking. But its not like yall been reading. haha.

Anyway, I've been feeling a lot of pressure lately. Its like everything is coming at me from every angle at the same time and I seriously don't know if I can take it. I've always said that I work well under pressure, and that statement has more or less always been true for me. However, lately I think the pressure has become too much. I'm taking everything in stride and trying my best to keep the wheels moving, but everything just seems to be getting out of control...

I miss home. Like, a helluva lot. I miss having my parents scold me, messing around with my little brothers and picking on (and regretting later lol) my older sister about her height. I miss the comfort and security of knowing that no matter what, everything would be okay. Today, I checked my voicemail (from another phone, 'cause mine has gone bye-bye lol) and I heard my mom and sister's voices and I swear to God I was tearing up... Call me a sissy 'cause I don't give a fuck! but I'm over feeling like I'm in this on my own. Yeah, I've got friends and they're hella good people too, but if anything, its my family who truly understands my struggle...

When I look back at the person I was, I get hella disappointed in myself. Who I am now isn't who I envisioned four years ago. In the past three years, my life has taken so many sudden and unfortunate turns that, when I look back on it, I realize that isn't even me! I know everyone changes, but my question is can I change back? I would like nothing more than to be the quiet-book-worm-nerd who found satisfaction in the simple things in life. If the old me met the me right know, he would be shocked and disgusted. I've realized recently that I'm on the road of redemption; finally and actually realizing WHO I REALLY WANT TO BE and what I need to do get my life back on the right tracks...

Finally, I'd personally like to ask you for your prayers. Tough times are ahead and I really don't know how its going to end, only that it will be huge shift in my life... whether I'm ready for it or not.

Peace|Easy.

ONE LIFE, ONE CHANCE

One life, One chance...Just so happens to be a very controversial phrase, to say the least. Don't get me wrong, controversy is good. It develops opinions and gives room for growth. However, the progress of controversy is hindered when closed-minded individuals refuse to be open to new meanings and concepts; when they refuse to rise to the challenge of making something out of this phrase. Mostly, progress is hindered because individuals continuously see things negatively, even though there is a chance to make a positive influence. Passion and creativity are lost in their one-minded crusade in search of "the right." Funny thing is, there is no "right," just a chance to make a positive difference and very few are rising to this challenge.

I don’t see ‘One Life, One Chance’ in a negative manner. I see it as a provocative and inspiring expression; a challenge to make a positive difference in our lives and the lives of others. I DO NOT see this phrase as saying, “You only have one life and therefore one chance. So if you fucked up your life or you messed up, you’re out of chances and there’s no hope for you.” This is the negative twist on what is meant to be a positive saying. I understand that people have gone through some shit and that they’ve risen from them; that they’ve had several chances to get their life back on track. Frankly, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t gone through the dirt or hit rock bottom, but they’ve always found a way to get back up. Simply put, I understand that life is all about chances (emphasis on the plural connotation)…

However, I don’t think that’s what the saying means… at least, not entirely. ‘One Life, One Chance’ says to me: This is my life. This is my time. I am here and now. This is my one chance to make a difference, my one chance to initiate change. This is my one chance to be someone and do something, my one chance to be a Christ-like example to others. This is my life, my living testimony and this is my chance to use it for good. Yes, I know human beings aren’t perfect. Yes, I believe Jesus Christ died on the cross for us, thus affording us many chances in our lives. But you see, Christ’s life here on Earth was His chance to make a change and WHAT A CHANGE HE MADE! ‘One Life, One Chance’ challenges me to follow Christ’s example and allow my life…my ONE LIFE, because it is my ONE CHANCE, to make a statement on this earth.
It’s One Life, One Chance. It is a challenge to be somebody and do something. Christ said, “Take up your cross and follow me.” Your life right NOW is your CHANCE to do that. Several will rise to this challenge, and yet some will “fall like seeds to the wayside,” scorched and withered by the sun, ready to be devoured by the fowls of the air.

One Life, One Chance. The rest is up to you.

Yo, Yo, Yo

Yes, I'm still here. Haven't been updated a lot because its about that time called MIDTERMS! Yeah, talk about a bummer. So after I scatter my brains on lined paper, library keyboards and LCD screens, I will update. LOL. In the meanwhile, pray for me. The next few weeks is HELL =/

Peace|Easy

Untitled again.

This pain, it bleeds
uncontrollably;
an open wound, it remains
exposed to the tides;
remnants of
blood, salt and water;
remnants of
breath, pain and life;
remnants of
a heartache that
the tides can't wash away,
the pain won't go away.

-- Emmanuel Wendt-Wiliams

Rock rules!

So its 3:56am and I'm surfing MySpace when I come across this bulletin posted by my cousin. I love it so much I decided to blog it. Its hilarious!

"I UNDER​STAND​ THAT SCISS​ORS CAN BEAT PAPER​ AND I GET HOW ROCK CAN BEAT SCISS​ORS,​ BUT THERE​'​S NO FUCKI​NG WAY PAPER​ CAN BEAT ROCK.​ IS PAPER​ SUPPO​SED TO MAGIC​ALLY WRAP AROUN​D A ROCK,​ LEAVI​NG IT IMMOB​ILE?​ WHY THE HELL CAN'​T PAPER​ DO THIS TO SCISS​ORS?​ SCREW​ SCISS​ORS,​ WHY CAN'​T PAPER​ DO THIS TO PEOPL​E?​ WHY AREN'​T SHEET​S OF COLLE​GE-​RULED​ NOTEB​OOK PAPER​ CONST​ANTLY​ SUFFO​CATIN​G STUDE​NTS AS THEY ATTEM​PT TO TAKE NOTES​ IN CLASS​?​ I'LL TELL YOU WHY, BECAU​SE PAPER​ CAN'​T BEAT ANYBO​DY,​ A ROCK WOULD​ TEAR THAT SHIT UP IN TWO SECON​DS.​ WHEN I PLAY ROCK/​PAPER​/​SCISS​ORS I ALWAY​S CHOOS​E ROCK.​ THEN WHEN SOMEB​ODY CLAIM​S TO HAVE BEATE​N ME WITH THEIR​ PAPER​ I PUNCH​ THEM IN THE THROA​T WITH MY ALREA​DY CLENC​HED FIST AND SAY "OH SHIT I'M SORRY​.​ I THOUG​HT PAPER​ WOULD​ PROTE​CT YOU, STUPI​D-​FUCK.​"

I seriously LMAO at this one. Gives me a good reason to punch someone when I play this game again. Hahaha

Peace|Easy

Moderation in Progression...

So its another blog/spiel about my life blah blah blah. Its my blog and I'll write what I want, gumdammit! :] Anyway, did I mention I'm settling in? Yeah, it feels good to have a place and bed to call your own. Everyone needs a home away from home, and I've found mine :) However, having finally acquired a place, I feel even more pressure; the pressure of having to be super-extra-duper-good-careful with how I handle my finances. The almighty dollar and I have a love/hate relationship. Before, when I was an RA, I was living the life (well, at least I thought so). I lived and ate for free, and every semester I got back huge sums of refund checks which made up for the meager checks I got for being an RA. I spent the money as I saw fit and now that I look back at it, I realize what an IDIOT I've been.

Now, I work one job, paying about minimum wage, and on top of a phone bill, I have rent and upkeep expenses to deal with. Of course, the obvious solution would be to go out and get another job, but I can't due to how busy I am this semester. And asking the parentals for money is out of the question for me; I hate that option. They have their own worries to deal with and I refuse to be one of them.

My only available avenue? Cut back. I'm remembering a phrase my mom always used to say when, as I kid, I would spend and want what I didn't need nor have. In Samoan she would lecture: "Ola fa'a tagata mativa." In English: "Live like a poor person." My mom lived and breathed that motto. She would only buy what we needed and spend wisely what we had, and on occasion, there would be a treat. Growing up, my siblings and I got the best of what we needed and if we wanted something, we had to work for it ourselves. My mom's life is all about budgeting and prioritizing; always making sure you have enough for all the needs before you think about what you want.

So that what I'm going to do. Cut back on what I don't need and start getting my finances in order. Its moderation in progression... or maybe I'll continue my progression with the practice of moderation. Haha. I think its true when they said too much of a good thing can be bad... in this case, money. haha.

Who knew growing up would be so difficult... and come in so many stages! lol

I'm out.

peace|easy

Hi, Haters!

So I've recently learned that my life is the subject of much gossip on foul tongues. People are funny because they think they're bring you down when they're actually fueling the fire for your way up. So attention, attention... HI, HATERS! Heres a few words of encouragement for you all:

I'm the cente​r of your atten​tion,​
The disru​ption​ to your celeb​ratio​n
What I live is what you menti​on
'Cuz while​ I shine​ you'​re in reten​tion;​
Your life has no forma​tion
It revol​ves aroun​d defam​ation​
So take a look I'm in accel​erati​on
There​s no stopp​ing my eleva​tion
'Cuz while​ you hate,​ I'm neari​ng perfe​ction​.​

-- Emman​uel Wendt​-​Willi​ams
talk yo shit & live your lies;​ you can'​t stop me, I'm on the rise!​

Stupid Cupid,

This is just a funny pic I found on another blog and I thought it would be cool to repost in lieu to this Valentines Holiday. Of course, I myself am not too big on this lovey-dovey holiday, but that doesn't mean I should rain on everyone else's parade, right? Haha. Maybe not...

Anyway, for everyone out there who has something special worth celebrating, more power to ya! Just don't f**ck it up. For everyone else, lets just get through this ONE day with all this stupid cupid crap (lol) and then get on with our lives.

Enjoy your day of chocolates, roses, scented candles and kinky lingerie! Haha.

Peace | Easy.

"Don't Interrupt.... Rude!"

Haha. Okay, so this whole week I've been a spiel about this clip. I know, I know, its an old one, but its HILAROUS. Especially when you're stuck in a three hour class texting jokes, quoting from this clip... LOL. So yeah, here it is. The infamous Bonquiqui :)



anty-wayz... this was a good week... well, kind of. I've been stressing out about school and stuff, and the reality is that its about to get tougher! I know I've been slacking but with hard work, concentration and an extreme amount of will, I can do it :) Hahaha.

Aight. Back to the books... so "Don't interrupt... RUDE!"

lol. I love it!

Late night boredom/Freeway drama

Okay, so I'm laying on my bed in my apartment, racking my brain on what the hell I'm going to write on for my paper due in a few hours and I just can't stop looking out my window... the view: the freeway of course. Now, most people would kill for a seaside/mountainside view, but I personally love the freeway; I mean, with all the cars and the noise and the excitement... I don't know, I guess I'm weird like that. LOL.

So anyway, as I was trying to research ideas for this damn paper (which as of now is still unwritten lol) I see cops pull over this car as it was trying to make its way onto the freeway. They've been there for about 30 minutes already and I managed to snap a few pics with my phone-cam. LOL. I'm excited! I'm seeing law enforcement in action! haha.

Here are the pics. The white circles indicate the car and the police car. A few mintues after I took these pics, another police car pulled by, and they were there for another 15 minutes before they all left. Hmmm... I wonder what the guy driving the car did...? haha!





And just in case you're wondering, heres a view during the day. Isn't it awesome! haha!



Alrighty... back to being studious (at 2:45am)! If anymore freeway drama happens I'll be sure to let you know! haha!

peace|easy.

Stress in, Stress out!

Ok, so finally having an apartment is cool... I mean, its what I've been waiting for since... well, since I haven't had a place to stay. But now I have to worry about rent and other expenses that come with such a living. But I have a job, so no big, right? Well, not in my case! Because of school work and the extra-curricular responsibility that I decided to take on this semester, I had to cut back on work hours... and I mean HELLA cut back. I've been trying to find a job on campus but there hasn't been word yet, most likely because of my RA incident.... damn f**ks!

So yeah. I'm stressing. You might not see it everyday, but I am. And what I don't get is that I KNOW shit is piling up but I just can't seem to get stuff done until the last minute... maybe its because I've always done things that way but now that won't fly.

Just when I thought things were getting better, life throws a curve ball at me.

Dammit.

Move Along,

Its finally happened. I have my own place! It feels like everything has come full circle... coming from having no place, and crashing at friend's houses and couches and available beds, to finally... finally having one of my own (even if I do share it with roommates LOL). You can't believe how relieving it is to have a home; a place you can call your own... your own bed, your own closet, your own room (with a roommated lol) to put all your shit in... its awesome! Its been a bit over five months that I've been more or less "homeless." I've been living off the kindness of friends and loved ones and I hope someday I can repay them for picking me up in my lowest hour. And although the place is empty (besides an airbed lol), the internet sucks and theres no TV... its still my own. I finally realize that all I used to take for granted meant so much more than I made it out to be :]

On another note... this semester is going to be CRAZY! Like, busy crazy! Sometimes I wonder if I put too much on my plate. Between work and school alone I hardly find any free time, and now that I'm Rector of Chaminade's awakening retreat, I'm beginning to realize just how big of a job its going to be. Like my predecessors before me said, "Its going to take over your life," and they weren't lying! This semester is going to be hectic, and I'm going to try and give 110% to my academics, to awakening and to just basically moving my life FORWARD.

Pray for me yall :)

OneLove.

Mind Over Matter.

So yeah, as mundane and overplayed as it may sound, the Superbowl was awesome! Even though I had to hear it on the radio at work, it was nevertheless an exciting game. I knew I should've cop'd a Troy Polamalu jersey with my 30% off discount... haha.

Anyway, the past few days (weeks?) have been... whatever. I find myself procrastinating more and more and losing motivation and momentum when I should be building up. I mean, this semester is going to be a challenge to all my self dimensions and I am only beginning to realize that I might not be as ready as I thought I was.

Other than that, life seems to be rolling along. I'm still trying to settle in and things are really looking on the sunny-side-up... hopefully this doesn't end in a flop.

I'd like to end with one statement: TAXES SUCK!! >=(

The Ant and the Grasshopper.... which are you?

Got this from a bulletin my friend posted on MySpace. Its funny AND has a unique yet often true view on life. ENJOY :)

The Ant and the Grasshopper
There is an 'Old Version' and a 'Modern Version' ..
Two Different Versions! Two Different Morals!

OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

-----------------------------------------

MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer ,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and
everybody cries when they sing , 'It's Not Easy Being Green.

Al Sharpton stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house
where the news stations film the group singing, ' We shall overcome.
Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Nancy Pelosi & Barack Obama exclaim in an interview with Larry King that
the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call
for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair
share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity &
Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of
green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his
home is confiscated by the government.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the
house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize
the once peaceful neighborhood.

Hope Beyond...

Dancing beyond the shadows
Like the glow beyond the stars
You wait, patiently;
The beat beyond my heart
Trying to be heard
In the world's thunderous noise;
I can feel you
But can't see you
A dream reaching to reality,
A hand waiting to be held
Just beyond the shadows
You wait, patiently.

-- Emmanuel Wendt-Williams

Lost at Sea.

Lost amidst a sea of darkness,
Turbulent waves rise and fall
A sailing ship with no guidance
Soon to be buried beneath it all.
Shadowy promises formed a broken alliance
And the stormy clouds spelled betrayal
Failed friends created this lone venture,
An exiled ship with no avail.
Bound to nothing but kind gestures
This sole ship, enslaved to the sea
Yet it's sails still rise with hope
Of a brighter day and a gentler breeze.

by Emmanuel Wendt-Williams

Is there a prayer?

Mom says to pray all the time, every day; pray in times of need, pray in times of grief, pray in times of gratitude, pray in happy times and sad times and those times when you just don't always know what to do.

I might be losing hope, but I'll never lose a prayer...

Testing, Testing.

So I've been on and off on the whole blogging thing. I'm sorry but the internet doesn't run my life (not all of it, anyway! lol). Since I've been off for quite a while I'm going to try and make this one count (as in, longer than two paragraphs).

Well, the Spring Semester 09 has officially started and I'm hoping to do as great as I did (academically speaking) as the past Fall Semester. My class schedule is kind of...unique...so to speak. I really enjoy it (much to the envy of others lol) not to have classes on Mondays and Fridays. However, I will need this much free time because I will be busy with academics, work and especially, CUH's Awakening Retreat. Its going to be a challenge but I hope and pray things work out. I'm really(x1000000) trying to manage my time (and money) well this semester. In terms of classes... so far they seem interesting and challenging. I'm taking three Upper Division English courses and two Upper Division CJ courses... so its no surprise that I will have TONS of papers to write this semester and TONS of research to do. YAY ME =/ Since I'm on the topic of academics, I'm extremely praying and hoping that I get picked for an Internship with the DNC (Democratic National Committee) during the summer. I'm applying through a program they are offering through the community college back home and although I know several young and talent Samoan students also want this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I WANT IT HELLA BAD!! [venting continued in second paragraph]

I mean, AN INTERNSHIP AT THE NATIONS CAPITAL WITH THE PARTY IN POWER ANNNND WITH SEVERAL OF OUR COUNTRY'S MOST INFLUENTIAL LEADERS (not to mention the soon-to-be-President Barrack Obama)... how could someone NOT want it? This is the opportunity I've been waiting for to go out there and really get myself involved with Politics (which, if you don't know right now, I'm really passionate about) and to get the experience I need and also awesome references if I plan to get into Law School someday. Anyway, its obvious I'm uberExcited about this and I'm praying I get it... hopefully my luck turns.

Now, on to some other stuff that's been on my mind since yall are so eager to know. hahaha =/

So yeah, I am super psyched about this semester and all but I can't help but feel stuck because I still haven't a place to call my own. Over the break I had friends who said they could pull through and help me but little by little shit started to fall through, and before you know it, I'm stuck with my bags packed (AGAIN!), my ass on someone else's couch and all my hopes nearly drained completely. I am extremely truly a billion times a billion times grateful for the friends who've opened their doors and made available their beds, futons and floors (HK FOR LIFE! lol) for me to crash on. I really don't know where I'd be if I didn't have such great friends and nothing can truly match how in debt I am to all of you =]

Every night I go to sleep I pray I wake up from this mess. I mean, the way things were are going to stay that way, and I'm trying to let go and force myself to move on but shit... life just isn't letting me up these days. And some people have asked why I just don't go get my own place. Well, I wish it were that easy. I work a Part-time job with minimum wage, which by the way doesn't even give me a lot of hours, so my paycheck hardly makes it past the 200 mark. My parents don't make all that much and I know they would help me out, but I'd rather that money go to helping my little brother get into a top college because he's worked extremely hard all his life to deserve it; go to helping my sister take care of my awesomest-bestest nephew in the world so she can concentrate on school and work; go to help keeping up the house and the acres of land we own and live on because no one else is there to do it, because my siblings and I are away from home; go to my parent's health care.... I don't have rich uncles, aunties, god-parents or relatives that I can call or depend on...hands-down-truth-out, I don't have the money or the means to get my own place. All I have is a prayer and a hope for miracles...

Five years from now, I'm hoping to look back on this whole situation and find myself smiling... because I made it through. Ironically, its the hope of the future I want that keeps me going in the present. Sure, I thought about giving up, but what good would that be to me? Giving up isn't an option, because options give you choices. If I give up, what choice would I have next?

Ah well, I guess life is just testing, testing, testing me... and damn I hope I pass with flying colors... or at least a bed. LOL.

Well, I think this blog is long enough to entertain you until my return... in week or two. LOL.

peace easy.

I don't know why

But life sucks. Well, not all of it, but for right now, a whole lot of it sucks for me. And just when I thought things were going to get better.... I'm getting tired of being let down by people and I'm coming to realize to trust myself with myself more than I trust others. What I think? Out of the 6 Billion human beings in this world, I probably only trust like... 0.00001 percent of them or something like that. Humans are self-centered by nature. Sure, there are a few kind souls out there, but for the most part, its every man/woman for himself/herself. Well, its about time I played that game.

Badabing.

Well its 3:01AM on a Tuesday early early morning, and I'm at the house surfin the net, playing with gimp (this cool photo editing program, like photoshop but its FREE :]), downloading music, watching t.v. and eating frosting, chips and cold pizza. I would be working, but those fxckers decreased my hours so I only work 4 fxcking hours this whole damn week. FOUR FXCKING HOURS?!?! Yeah, whatever. But hey, a job is a job and I'm lucky to even have one so I won't complain (except when I blog. LOL).

Hmmm... other than that the break seems to be going okay, except for one thing... SETTLING INTO MY OWN PLACE?! I made the mistake of relying on friends too much and now I'm not even sure where things are headed. I though shit would be settled already, but things just don't go according to plan, but I'm praying that the Lord help me and I know things will eventually (a word thats been stuck with me for a while) work out. God's delays are not denials, and I know that I am on the Lord's time.

As the second semester of my third year at Chaminade draws closers, I'm finding myself growing increasingly nervous. A lot of things will be happening this semester and I really don't know if I'm ready for it; if I have the time and energy, if I have the resources... downright I'm just nervous. Plus, I have several personal goals that I hope to reach this semester and well, lets just say that this one will be a RIDE (thats what she said)! I only pray to get through it with success and swiftness so that I can go home :)

Thats all for now, folks.

First Poem of 2009

Here I go again with mindless writing :)

Breaking Dawn

The sweet caress of sunlight
Piercing the darkened clouds
Breaking the unbreakable darkness
A sudden miracle,
Glinting in the dew of dawn
Like diamonds from the sky
Upon the blades of grass
Bathing in ethereal beauty
Transformed, suddenly,
into jewels from heaven;
And in this moment
They've become the stars
They've become like rays of light
And were this moment to last forever
These blades of grass
Would become immortal;
As I am grass
And you are my sunlight
How I wish this moment would last forever.