The past couple of days I've felt SO GOOD. I cannot begin to describe just how great I've been feeling :) I know I know, I'm not usually the most sentimental of people, but I can't help but for the first time in a long time, I'm truly happy.
This weekend was more than amazing. I wish there was one word to describe my beautiful retreat experience this weekend; meeting such amazing and life changing people and experiencing things I thought I've gone through before, but God was just kidding ;) and He refreshed me this weekend.
This was my sixth awakening experience, including my introductory one, and I can tell you that out of all of them, THIS was by far the best :) It had nothing to do with the fact that I was rector but the fact that I was able to meet awesome people and experience amazing things. It was also the fact that I was FINALLY able to let go (and let God) of so many things that I thought I could handle on my own.
So many aspects of my life that I was struggling with... God took it from me, because I was finally willing and able to LET HIM. I can't believe how I've come to overlook my greatest Help when He's been right here all along. It saddens me to think that focusing on my struggles and on life has blinded me to God's extending hand, but this weekend He opened the eyes of my heart.
He opened my soul and now I'm beginning to realize that I've been blessed all along. SO MANY THINGS I took for granted because I've been focused on LOOKING DOWN instead of LOOKING UP to HIM. So many blessings I've passed by because I was worried and worried and worried instead of letting it all go... the bullshit, the drama, the headaches, the heartaches, the struggles.... and dammit it feels so GOOD. I'm still reeling from how good it feels to be free.
I've learned many things about myself, about others and about God this weekend. And for the first time in a long time I KNOW I'M CHANGED. I feel like all my previous retreats, those singular amazing experiences, have prepared me for this point... and this retreat was the cherry on top... giving me the strength, the hope, the confidence, THE FAITH, the love, and the belief to finally.... FINALLY... MOVE FORWARD.
I've been at the bottom. I've been stuck between a rock and a hard place. But my Lord has delivered me and guess what? I'm moving on. Those moments were a part of my past. As painful as they were, they are still a part of my life but I've learned from them, I've accepted them and from them I've garnered the will power to get my life back on track.
To my Awakening 'Ohana: you mean the world to me. Each and every one of you. From the first awakening retreat to this one, and everyone who has ever said a prayer for awakening or been involved or paid or sponsored someone or something for awakening.... THANK YOU. I owe this moment and point in time to you.
For those who haven't had the CUH Awakening Experience.... I'm going to stop bugging you to go. This past weekend God let me know that HE has a time and place for everything. It's obvious it wasn't your time to attend retreat and I know... when God sees that you need or will need it the most... HE WILL make a way for you. Until then... enjoy the smile on my (and my family's faces! lol) and then ask us why... and we'll tell you: